Random Thoughts

Ive had a lot of thoughts this past week and wanted to share a few of them while my BFFs are stillllllll watching football.  I am in shock that this football crap has been going on for 5+ hours and they are still watching.

Nurse:

Heather and I went to the hospital for my second check up yesterday because the clinic we went to first said they would charge $250 just to see a doctor, no tests or anything else.  So we opted to go to the hospital and see what that would be like to get blood-work, etc. because I do have Dominican health insurance and they might take it, who knows!?  Because I had pain in my lungs when I would breathe deeply, the doctor ordered chest x-rays.  I wanted to get cleared to leave the States and return home to the DR.  This one nurse took me back that wasn’t very talkative.  Nor am I with strangers unless I’m in a silly mood.  The nurses were a bit intrigued with my stories and so this onr waited until we got to the back to talk with me alone.  As she set up the machine, she said, “So why did you move there?”  I gave her a very brief answer that God told me to and I would follow Him anywhere.  She continued to make the laydown xray machine bed area and said, “So you must be pretty religious to move to the DR alone????”  She rambled a few more things but I stopped listening at the word religious.

 I paused. 

 I really don’t like that word. 

She looked up because I didn’t respond quickly.  I laughed a little and she asked me, “What?”  I told her my brother calls me that and he just means it’s important to me, but when I personally use it, it is because someone is crazy.  She apologized and said she didn’t mean it like that, that she just didn’t understand why I would choose to do such a thing when I could live in America and get quality healthcare here all the time.  I told her I am religious if that means I love Jesus Christ.  She went on to tell me about herself and how she doesn’t go to church…telling me why she isn’t in church and how she would like to be, but something about a divorce and life being hard and busy.  It was as if she had guilt for not going and wanted to explain.  People sometimes do that to me. 

 I told her my home church is in Winter Haven, Ridgepoint.  I explained how it was and what service was like and how my friends attend it still.  I told her it was off Spirit Lake Rd.  I asked her where she lived.  She said off Spirit Lake Road J  I said, “Great.  Come to church this Sunday, I will be there to see my church family.”  She said she might just do that.  I explained where it was and what the website name was to find it online.  I had to get ready to go under and she went back to the machine and came back.  She passed me a paper and pencil.  I didn’t expect it.  She actually wanted to write it down and look it up to come.  Keep her in your prayers tonight.  I know the devil will give her a hundred reasons to stay home tomorrow instead of going to church.  Pray that those thoughts are blocked and she comes. 

As we headed back to my room, I wondered if my sole reason for being sick was to invite her to church that very minute and be her catalyst.  I told God, “That’s a really expensive way for You to make me go to invite a person to Your House.  I will have spent hundreds of dollars, I don’t have, to fly here. So much that I would have to work an entire yearrrr in the DR to afford it with my new salary just to get treatment and fly back.”  I’m sure there was more complaining but I’m too embarrassed to write the rest of my BS.  Immediately, He said, “Phyllis” in a grandpa “think about that” tone.  I did.

“Oh, Lord.  Sorry.  That was so selfish.  Ugh.  Sometimes I am so ridiculous.  I didn’t mean it like that.  I know that lady is just as important to You as I am.”  (Seriously, who am I sometimes?  Do I really believe in Heaven and Hell and I am saying it’s too expensive to be a part of someone’s plan by Jesus for Him to Save someone??)

“Phyllis, Who provides your money to be here?  “You do, God.”  “Okay, then”

 And, I really do believe He provides for me.  He has, had, and will continue as I walk with Him.

Airport:  As Jaci and I drove up, I saw Luke, Trevor, and Josh waiting by the sidewalk.

 

I smiled (and told the Lord I love Him for doing that). 

 

Comforted.

It was about 720AM, we were late because Jaci’s van was having trouble and we had to borrow another car.  The boys had a full day of work ahead of them and I wasn’t too sure if they would even get breakfast because they chose to come pray over me and send their Sister off.  Luke told me a few were gonna come and I was hoping Trev would be one of the ones waiting with Luke when I got there because… We (DR peeps) are all a team in a way I’m not so sure I even understand.  Our lives are intertwined in a different way and we understand things about each other and living in the DR that the others won’t ever understand because they don’t live there with us.   That isn’t meant to be offensive; it just is what it is.  I told Jaci as we walked up that it was a blessing, too, that the team was in Santiago right now.

Bible:  When I packed for my trip to the States, I was making a mental list and getting the items to pile up.  I went to go grab my Bible and Bible study book I am doing and realized this was the first trip I have ever taken where I wanted my Bible.  I have one on my Kindle to travel with, but it isn’t the same as my tangible one.  My Bible is small and fat!  Not really conducive to travelling or throwing in my purse.  Really, I don’t read it on vacations or trips either. BUT…I am addicted to the Bible the last couple of weeks.  I would love to say that I am always a diligent reader every day, but that would be a lie.  But the last few weeks it has been the only water for my thirst.  I can’t get enough of it and just want to read it all the time.  I’ve been reading daily because I crave the Word.  This study I am doing has you look up verse after verse that point to a certain theme and write down what it means; very interactive.  I have loved flipping through my Bible and reading my old highlights and my old notes of how God spoke to me that day with the date He said it.  God and I had a great week.  I stayed at my Pops’ house in FL the second night I was here while Heather was at a show.  I was so sick that night.  I slept and slept.  I had no energy to pack a few things to take back.  As I was lying in bed, God told me to get up and get my Bible out.  Seriously, God?  I am so sick right now.  Tears have flowed from this eyes so many times in discomfort and my energy is depleted.  I can’t possibly get up and read.  My body aches all over.  Let’s do it tomorrow morning.  “Phyllis, I want you to read.”  Okay. Okay.  Once again, I would love to say I read the most profound thing, but I didn’t.  He reminded me that even when I don’t want to, I need to.  That when He says to do something, I need to just do it and not have to understand it. 

I sat on Heather’s porch the next morning and got it out again and it was profound.  It was exactly what I needed to see that I couldn’t see before.  I love that the Word is alive.  (I just sat up in my chair writing that have a huge grin b/c it is exciting how He reveals) I love that you can read something 5 times in the last few years and each time the Lord is capable of talking to you in a different way for where you are right then and there.  INCREDIBLE. 

He spoke loudly and clearly about our lives in the DR.  It was exactly what Kathy and I had a conversation about one night on her porch about Him; the struggle between DR and American life.  That’s all I am giving about the details right now.  It cleared it up for me and I could change my view to see better using two different verses; one i have read many times and one I had never seen before.

Oh, how I freaking love Him. 

P.S. I just woke up to post this and I had an email from the University that my intern Kelsey attends.  They are sending me an unexpected check for being Kels' cooperating teacher for internship. 

Who provides for me???

I'm Home in the States

I am in America.

Some of you know and some of you aren’t sure why.  Okay, I was sick.

I flew in under the radar Tuesday.  I emailed my church leaders in the States to pray for me, and my other leaders/church family were already in the DR with me for a mission trip to Santiago.

I really don’t like attention like this and people freaking out, so I kept it hush until I knew if I was really sick.  I told Heather my flight and she picked me up in Tampa alone.  She kept telling me to come home.  Come home.  Love that girl.  I felt bad not letting my besties know, but I figured when I was cleared or sick, I could tell them then with actual facts and details of what was going on. 

It started about 3 weeks ago when I ate something that made me have to use the bathroom 20+ times in one day.  I left school by 10AM because I had done to the bathroom 9 times by then.  I was useless.  Nausea, horrible headaches, and a knots in my stomach.  That persisted for just a day or so, but the other symptoms stayed.  I would break into a sweat and my temp would say 97.5.  It was so odd, but my temperature wasn’t a fever.  My headaches were a sign.  It wouldn’t stop for 2 weeks straight and at times, I would tear up at night because it wouldn’t go away.  I finally caved and went to the local clinic.  One of my admin went with me to translate.  I did blood, stool, and urine testing for 45 pesos.  That is about a dollar.  The same lady that was doing lab testing came to take my blood.  No gloves were changed.  She had trouble so she pushed the syringe pump in and out a few times.  I was mortified, so was Elisse.  It left a lovey bruise, in which my doctor last night kept looking at it in disgust and I turned to look at it and he blurted out sternly, “what happened there??” (Definitely not a drug addict)

In the DR, the stool cup they gave me was a THE EXACT same cup you get at chili’s for to-go BBQ sauce, with the little pop top lid.  Let me stop here and say I don’t get sick.  I had no idea about even a “clean sweep” as the nurse called it, last night in the hospital, to pee in a cup.  So asking me to defecate in a to-go soufflé cup freaked me out. IF I am sick, I let my body take care of it without medicine.  I couldn’t see my Primary Care Physician before I left to move to the DR because she had no idea who I was; I went there maybe 6 yrs ago when I was hired by Polk School Board.   I do not over exaggerate conditions, if anything; I minimize it to be “nothing”.  Hence, the reason I have bacteria all over my freaking body because I didn’t seek meds earlier. 

In the DR, I went into the hospital clinic’s bathroom to go and I just couldn’t.  When I gave up and came out, I realized there was no soap or paper towels for me to use.  Thank goodness I didn’t try to figure that out.  Trevor adn Luke took me over to get my results.  When I got my tests back, the nurse gave me a Rx and I googled it when I got home and it was for parasites.  Well, my lab work said there was an abundance of bacteria and yeast and some blood in both my urine and stool, no parasites.  So I sent my lab results to my nurse friends, Susan, Kristen, and Casey and they guided me along the way of what to do.  Miranda called Nikki and she helped as well.  I started Cipro.  A few days later, my hot flashes were worse, I was so lethargic, and my kidneys began to hurt.

I went to Santiago to see the mission team at church with Kels and Anne-marie.  I prayed on the drive down for energy and no pain while I worshipped with them.  He delivered. I felt so good. The drive home, my kidney pain was worse, though.  I headed to church later that night with Kelsey to our local church to listen to the worship music.  I can’t get enough of it.  Sometimes, I skip out after the music.  That was my plan but by the end, I was dizzy and sweating to death in the air-conditioned place.  I’m real sensitive to A/C now that we live without that crisp air.  Here I sat in a pool of sweat.  I told Kels, Im walking home in the middle/end of the song.  There is nothing that makes my heart smile more than worship music, clapping, and singing as loudly as possible.  I was sitting down in my chair during the music cause I was so tired and dizzy.  I wondered if people thought I was rude to sit.  Got home. My temperature read 96.5. 

What the heck is going on?????  So frustrated.  To the point of tears.

That was the lowest I had seen.  Online said I should be freezing at that temp, unless I have a serious condition, in which my body is freaking out, pretty much.  I crawled into bed lying on my belly because my kidneys were radiating heat and painful to lie on.   I've never slept in a hospital before and my first time wasn't going to be there.

Naomi had texted me what she thought and I said to God I’m over people telling me what they think and what I think!  I wasn’t panicking, but I knew I was sick and my emotions were heightened because I have never had any kind of infections before other than a respiratory one.  So here I am with some intestinal infection and my kidneys are on fire and I could barely walk 5 minutes up the plaza to Skype Summer because our power was out.  I had never walked that slowly before and almost caught a moto.

“Lord, do I need to go home or not!?  I know You can tell me! So be clear and tell me!”  Naomi’s next text was that she prayed about this and God is telling her that I need to go to the States.  Of course.  She said, “I know you don’t need me to tell you what God is saying, but…”  Uh, yeah, I most certainly did need help with what He was saying.  Luke and Nay got home and Nay came down to sit on my bed while I rested.  Luke came down with us and prayed over me.  Go home.  Ugh, I might.

I’m a brat.  I got in bed and told God that if my temp is still low w hot flashes the next day with that killer headache, I will leave.  So I woke up to a 96 temperature again with hot flashes and a headache.  Okay, I am out. 

I went to school in the morning to get things in order and teach Bible.  Kathy told me to just go home, this place will survive without.  She reminded me that school wasn’t as important as finding out what is wrong and fixing it.  Just go!  Uh, I so needed those pushes because I hated going all the way to America for treatment!!  Jaci got up super earlier for me took me over to the airport.  As we pulled up, I was so thankful that the mission team was in Santiago at this exact time and some of my boys could meet me over at the airport at the BUTT CRACK to pray over me and send me off. 

Okay, diagnosis:  bacteria caused an intestinal infection, then bacteria caused a bad UTI (first doc said that it was a bad UTI but my only symptoms was kidney issues), and while I was sick with these, I caught some sort of upper respiratory junk which was why I had pain in my lungs breathing deeply.  I woke up the second night here and asked heather if a bear attacked me or if she punched me in the back in the mid of the night because all my back muscles hurt up to my neck, even my triceps and deltoids hurt.  It was so odd. 

I saw another doctor last night and he ran my blood and urine. He says there is some bacteria still, but I am good.  After Cipro, they gave me Bactrum?, which is stronger.  Cipro wasn’t clearing it up.  He told me not to leave until the second round of antibiotics are done and a day or two pass to see if I still have symptoms/bacteria.   I don’t know what he will prescribe if Bac doesn’t kill it.

I had hot flashes this morning with some right kidney pain for the first time in a day or so, not quite sure what the bs is about.  I feel good, though.  Tired, tired, tired, but overall good.

So I am in America for the week.  I miss America when I am in the DR. 

 

Is it odd for me to say I miss the DR?  

I do. A lot.

Catalyst: Heather Buell

8:13 PM
(We do not participate in the Daylight Savings Time.  Stinkin' sweet, I tell ya)

So today is my friend Heather's birthday.  I woke up at 5:45AM.  It is one of those dates you do not forget and you know exactly when it is and how many more days until it is here.  Sorta like you do with your own birthday.

(I wrote that on the 5th, now I am finishing this tonight on the 7th.  I have been a little sick lately with my stomach.  I'm not too sure what it is, but I hope it leaves my body soon.  If not, I better lose weight from this organism that has taken up residency in my body.)

My birthday is Oct 22, then Heather's is 2 weeks later, then her death anniversary is 2 weeks after that.  We were bff's since we were in junior high.  Her death was a turning point in my life.  If there was a line were my "time-line" was cut by a single event in my history, it would be her death.  It was the most devastating news I had ever received.   Oh, you know your highschool friends and how you just love them like sisters.  Real sisters.  That was Heather.  Years of giggles and inside jokes and fun!

So, I had just moved to FL on Halloween soon after my 21st, and flew to California a few weeks later to go to a Marine Ball with my bff Ben.  I got home from Orlando airport and got into bed on November 20th, 2001.  I had just fallen asleep when Mom came in and said, "Renee has been trying to reach you, Heather died."

What?

What does that even mean?

I was physically sick.  I got out of bed and, of course, called Michael.  I immediately had to do laundry from my trip to Cali and get my butt on a plane to NY state, pronto.  My mom had ran errands, so I was alone in the house while Dad slept.  I walked to the washer in a daze.  When I got to the washer, I could no longer physically stand up, and my knees buckled and I hit the floor in hysterics to God.  To a God I wasnt even sure existed.  I prayed to Him when I was about to get into trouble or hoping I could get out of trouble.  I prayed when people were sick and needed to be healed.

So, when I needed something, I called upon this God.  The one I wasn't sure was listening...if He was in fact real.  I don't know why I called Him, but I did.  I sobbed on the floor and asked Him to "PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME.  Please!  I cannot do this alone. I need You!"

I got up after I doubled over with my head on the floor crying and wailing in hysterics.  I couldnt catch my breath.  I was pretty sure I was going to die of sadness.  I finished the laundry sobbing.  I got in the shower and I felt as if someone punched me in the stomach and my knees buckled. Again.  I fell to my knees crying hysterically, "Oh, please God, I cannot do this.  If you are real, I need you to help me!"  I talked to God and Heather in the shower as I was doubled over on the floor crying with the water just falling on my limp body. 

I seriously felt crazy after her death.  I was crazy.  I would audibly talk to her all the time.  So many crazy things happened after she passed and they were all signs from her.  We wore blue ribbons (baby blue in the shape of awareness ribbons) and blue butterflies to represent her passing and in remembrance.  These things showed up everywhere!  Even in my hotel in the hidden mountains of Greece and the streets of London!!  Jackie and I walked into our hotel in Greece and there someone happened to have left a blue butterfly towel!  I still have it in a box.  I saved it, of course.  I found the same blue ribbon I wore for her in NY, in my FL house.  It was brand new..there was no ribbon in that house.  Where it came from, I have no idea.  I also had a shiver down my spine one day as I got out of the shower and I looked down and a blue rubberband was the all tangled up and was exactly like a ribbon shape.  Once again, I didnt have any blue rubberbands.

Black cats were a symbol of her too and they were everywhere.  I was once lost driving in Florida trying to get to this bar my friend Kenny was playing at and said, "Send me a black cat, Heather, if this is the right way!"  I saw a black cat and then the bar was up ahead, of course.

I have hundreds of stories, so do the Buells.  Hundreds.

Jared, her brother, called me one night and we chatted for a while reminiscing.  I hung up with him as I sat on the front porch and started to sob.  I was so mad at her for dying.  I was at that state of grieving.  Livid.  Yelling at her.  I heard her VOICE CLEAR AS DAY.  "I am here." I JUMPED UP.  My crying ceased!! I picked up the phone to see if Jare was there.  Nope.  I went inside.  I know I heard her.  I'll tell you right now years later, I heard her voice.

Storied upon stories of crazy things, but

I am very tired from not eating much the last 2 days, so I will finish this tomorrow.  It is already 9PM and I need to get to sleep.  Okay, so I slept most of the day the last 48hrs, but I'm exhausted.

I just want to add that I got in the shower very early this past Monday, November 5th, and asked God, "If I could see a ribbon today, it would be cool.  If not, no big deal."  As I hiked Mogote mountain in the Dominican Republic on her birthday,  I looked down at the PRECISE moment to see a ribbon on the ground in the shape of Heather's ribbons.

I smiled, and then pressed my lips together as I let some quick tears fill my eyes, making sure they didn't slip out and be seen.  (Thanks, God, for sending that today :)  Happy birthday, Heather!!

To be continued....