Saturday, March 10, 2012

Spirit of Fear


Saturday, March 10, 2012
9:24AM
Sitting at dining table listening to Jessa Anderson on itunes
Iglesia Peeps-Very thankful for this MacBook!!  Pretty sure I have a greater chance of being mugged bc people are mesmerized by it.  Ha!  Timm, thanks for giving me the bag!  It has come in handy more times then I EVEN realized that it would!

I moved in yesterday afternoon. They were able to get a man here in 10mins to put in a stove and get me gas, yet they wouldn’t bother calling the phone to set that up.  I just go with the flow even though I want them to hook up my US phone and Internet service NOW!  I think I will have a US number through Vonage and it will cost me 10US dollars a month.  Internet is about 50 or 60 a month.  I am living in a 3bedroom/3BA home. The 3 girls above me are Americans teaching at JCS.  They are ages 35, 25, and 23.  I found out the reason I am living alone is because one girl and her roommate had issues with girls in the past and didn’t want to live with anyone else. I asked God about it and He said I was staying put where I was for the time being.  I have an intern from the States coming in a few weeks.  I cant remember what I have written to you guys or in my journal, sorry if I already said this.  She is someone else’s student teacher, but will be living with me when she gets here until school ends in June.  She is young, I’m sure.  If I were to move in with other girls, she would be here living alone.  No bueno.  Even if she is older, no one ever lives alone and I’m sure that would freak the person out.  Every time I eat with someone or at Bible study and we pray, they ask God to watch over me as I have an emotional breakdown to transition into this country, etc.  Sweet of them to do, but I have not experienced any of the emotions they detail in these prayers (like crying for 5 days straight ß few girls said that.  Some had breakdowns for a few months)  I told the girls that I had an emotional breakdown for weeks surrendering to the Lord to come to this country. Maybe that is why I am fine.  I don’t even know.  Seriously.  If there is something I am constantly praying about, it is that peace; the peace that surpasses all understanding when the Holy Spirit is in you.  I am constantly thanking God.

I’m on the back porch area looking into this orchard.  I think they have bananas, papayas, and I dont know what else.  Drinking some coffee.  I suck at making it with this DR pot.  I double check to see if the water has moved from the bottom to the top and it hasn’t.  I walk away and I hear the crap sizzling on the stove by overflowing. (My stove is as wide as me, an arms length in depth, and comes to my waist in height.  The gas tank is outside and they said I need to buy a lock today to lock it to the window metal bar, so it isn’t stolen.  I paid 900 pesos for half a tank. The lady at school barely speaks Eng and this guy didn’t either. They were letting me decide if I wanted the gas tank in or outside the house.  I heard “peligroso” in their convo.  I don’t know why I even had a choice.  It is dangerous in the house, put it outside!!  I think you have a choice bc it could be stolen outside.  I don’t care if they steal it every day.  Put the crap outside.  They are very half-butt with things here.  The way he hooked it up isn’t the safest to start.  The fridge is, I swear, plastic.  I picked it up with one hand to fix the wobbling underneath with my other hand.  I am 5’1”, the fridge is shorter than me by a few inches. 

So, an American coffee pot is on my list!!! I love Mel. She is so willing to take me wherever, whenever.  They said they are in town somewhere.  We are making a trip today there.  I need a list of things.  I am so grateful for the blessings before I left the US and the monthly ones.  Money is not an issue.  These girls cannot say the same.  So, I am getting some reflexology massage today at Kristin’s when we go to town by an orphaned girl that just got done with training.  She lived in Haiti during the quakes and her parents were both killed. She was in and out of the orphanage as a kid, then her parents were able to care for her when she was older, so she moved back with them.  She was about 19 when they died.  Kristin met here when the Haitians came to the DR for relief. Some lady took her in after some time and put her through school in Canada, now she is back trying to make a living. They said a donation of $3 to 6 is good.  Pesos are 38 to the dollar.  To make it easier to remember, I think of it as 33 pesos to a dollar, so 100 pesos is about $3.  I still have to talk to God about it, but I am going to pour out some blessings on her from God. I cannot fathom what it feels like to have no one at such a young age, trying to survive. I hope she knows Jesus. 

Last night, I went to Melissa and her roommates to hang out and eat.  She has a mini projector and projected an episode of some show about wedding dresses on the wall.  Pretty sweet.  She does it with books, too, for her students online.  OMGosh, this girl does cheerleading as an after-school activity and made pom-poms out of plastic bags.  They looked so real.  I was so IMPRESSED with them!!  They made cheer shirts with spray paint.  They used cardboard boxes to cut out letter stencils and spray painted them.  So impressive, seriously.  Anyway, I went home around 930.  I was going to ask Mel to walk me back, but I knew I had to do it alone sooner or later.  She didn’t ask, so I just sucked it up that I could do it alone.  My lightbulb is blown above my door, so I asked to borrow a flashflight to see my keyholes.  As I started down her bumpy dirt road, I felt fine.  No fear.  I had a flashlight to see, I need to ask the girls if that is okay b/c no one walks with one.  Odd.  There is one street light and you can’t see!  I don’t know if using one makes me a target bc it shows I am not native.  I looked up to survey in front of me b/c you look down a lot bc it is rainy here and the holes are muddy!   I saw a guy walking towards me.  I reminded myself to look up more than down;  make eye contact and be confident.  Ahh, I hate looking straight at wackos! But I know it is important to make eye contact to watch people’s moves and I’ve heard looking into an attacker’s eyes deters him bc he thinks you could identify him later…the longer you stare at him.  So, he started to walk towards me, on my side of the road.  I kept telling myself I was fine, he might be dodging potholes.   They don’t exactly care what side of the road you walk on or drive on.  I flashed my light a little higher with my stride, to hit him with it, and he still walked towards me. STILL NO FEAR—no fast beating heart, anxiety, no flight or fight.  If anything, let me take that back, I have been in fight mode. I could have touched him at arms length by the time we were next to each other.  We stared at each other the whole way until we passed each other.  In my peripheral vision, I saw him turn his head and body.  I just listened for his footsteps and the shadows in my flashlight in case he turned.  I looked in front of me to my own shadow and said to myself, “You are okay being alone, Phyllis. You can do this!”  The next second I could hear God say clearly and uh, loudly with serious authority, “YOU are NEVERRR alone, Phyllis!!  Never!!”  That’s my King.  I smiled.  This I know.    I got home and unpacked.  I told Bekah that if I got scared later, I might stay with her one more night.  She said no worries, you just come back.  I was fine, though.  This culture is very different.  They are SO LOUD.  FRANCIS TALKS SO LOUD AND I AM A 2 FEET AWAY FROM HIM!  It was almost 1AM and they are still talking so loudly outside, revving motorcycles whiz by, loud commercial advertising trucks are out blaring something, and no one cares!! I got in bed to read and then shut the lights out.  Calm. So calm.  I thanked God for the MILLIONTH time. Minutes later, some alarm was sounding on a car or bike, and my heart didn’t even flutter.  WHAT THE HECK is going on??  I don’t sleep well in FL unless the alarm is on in the house!  Once again, I just thanked the Lord for controlling me…  for not even allowing me to control my emotions.  Fear cannot even touch me right now.  Spirit of fear doesn’t come from the Lord, and He has a shield around me right now and He will not allow it near me.  The devil has no choice here, the Lord will not permit it to rock me.  Of course Ive felt fear at times when I get scared in the US etc and God allows it, but right now He is giving no one or thing, including myself, control but Himself.  He is God, He can do whatever, whenever.  I do not care what your beliefs are about Christ/God, this is not flipping normal behavior for anyone!  This is Jesus in me.  This is full surrender to the Lord to control me. I find this just as freaking INSANE as you do, as you read this.  I do not understand how I have not cried yet.  How have I not freaked out and wanted to go home? How did I sleep in a house last night ALONE in a 3rd  W country and not cry?  I just belong here right now.  Writing that doesn’t even make any sense to me, but it is how I feel inside.  Odd. So odd.

Oh yea, the gas guy was at school and he asked me to get on his bike to ride to my house up the street.  I said no, I will walk and you ride your motorcyle ALONE…the best way I could in Spanish...I said it in a stern voice   Im sure I sounded like a B, he gave me a look like I was one .  Of course he was all smiles to be helping this cute girl out... I don’t think I smiled once.  Unless it was my stupid half smirk that says shut up J Hey, I am going to be alone with a strange man that doesn’t speak my native language in my house.  Let it be known, I am a B.  I am learning that the B in me is being put to good use.    Later, I was trying to unlock the back metal bar gate to my porch. I have 7 keys and I don’t know what they unlock J.  Natalie was with me and this man walked up to help all smiles.  He gets the jerk smirk back, too.  He was on the other side, so I let him help.  Nat said hi so I figured she had seen him around.  He then starts to open it, and comes into my porch area that has metal bars around the perimeter for safety.  Uh, he has my keys, too!  My friend Felix (a parent of one of my former students that showed me self defense moves before I left!!) said that there are times I will need to defend myself and God is okay with that!  I love how he put it.  He knows I love the Lord.  God told me that very second I laughed, that Felix was right and to listen to him.  I swear I wasn’t even thinking, I grabbed my keys from his hand quickly as he tried to relock it with all three of us on the same side, pushed opened the gate and gave him a shove out and shut it as I said “hey, thanks.” in Spanish, “I don’t need your help anymore.” in a B voice.  Natalie looks at me and says, “uhhh, do you know he works at the school as a security guard?”  Uhhh, nope J   I was like, “I know I was rude, but I don’t freaking know him and he will not be locking himself in with us and having control of my keys.  I don’t care if he was helping.  He can show me how to do it.”  I apologized to him for the push.  Hopefully, he will tell his buddies I’m a jerk. 

 I borrowed a CStanley book from her called How to Listen to God. Get it, read it, k!  I am going to give her and Francis my Kindle to borrow to read Fan and some other Cstanley’s I have dwnlded.  I dont know why I cant get the school WiFi on my Kindle until my internet is ready next week.  Something about the IP address.  My Mac is set for when I am at school, but the Kindle needs me to do something the computer man didn’t know or want to do? Ha!  It says connected, yet it isn’t when I do the password.  Any of you know how to fix this, let a sistah know.  Melissa said the town shuts down from 12-2 for a siesta, so we will wait to shop until we do the massages.   Okay, sorry this is  madness and crappy writing haha!  Love you guys!  Ps Beth agreed to setting up a blog.  Soon!  I am just trying to come up with a name!  Help if you want…I like something with Big Papa in the title and Dominican Republic or something…brainstorm, kids.  xoxo


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