Proverbs 32:8

9:35AM Friday, April  6, 2012

Sipping some hazelnut on the back porch area

Listening to Hillsong’s The Very Best Live album

All I can smell is OFF spray. I put some on to come outside.  I really need to wear it to bed b/c I think that is when they are eating me.   I never feel these things bite me!!  I totally forgot I put some in my shipment box.  Praise baybay Jesus.  My legs look like when I was a kid and played outside for 12 hrs in the summer and the mosquitoes tore my legs up.  Gross.

Where I left off yesterday was with Honduras, I think.  So, I sat there for sometime afterwards realizing I do not live in the US anymore.  These inalienable rights we have are no longer in effect here.  And, my ability to say what I want doesn’t exist.  Fine, I read about them in the Dominican Constitution, but there is no one to run to, to say HELP!  Most of you know that I am a ball of fire.  I’m Italian. We are known for two things: we cook very well and we are crazy!  I may have come to the Lord and changed, but I still have that part to me that needs to be checked quickly when I get angry b/c if I do not tap into God that second, the devil encourages me to flip out.  That is a nice way to put it. I used to love being intimidating to people.  I would go head to head with people about crap I didn’t even care about, just to get them all riled up.  I am still a person to this day, that if I see a weaker person being pushed around, I step in.  I have no problem getting in people’s faces.  I have no problems speaking for someone that can’t.  I have done it countless times in restaurants and stores when a husband pushed, yelled, etc at his wife, or when parents are being crazy with their kids and verbally/emotionally abusing them in front of me.   I cried on the bus in Honduras bc it was the first time I saw injustice and was told I couldn’t say anything.  WHAT!?  L  So here is this little one and I can’t do anything AGAIN.  I told God right that minute, “YOU will prepare me for this!”  (Not in a rude manner, maybe a little, but in a way that if He is ordaining this, then HE ALONE will equip us to deal).  I can’t lie, I wanted to throw up and beat his A when I saw that man.  I could totally take him.  He was like 50.  (I grew up with 4 brothers; you can’t exactly be a little lady all the time with that background).  I love when I look at life like that.  For such a time like this that He brings good out of everything for His glory.  God said he will be using this fire in me for Him.  Not in the ways I like to use it J My brothers and I got in fistfights, for sure.  I don’t worry about fending for myself.  When Michael (bro) and I walk around NYC alone, I think the same.  Michael may be a small/medium build, but I’d rather be with him in a dark alley than someone that is jacked.  Together, our fire is a complete mess.  It is the least of my concern in life, here, when we start doing trafficking work.  Controlling it is the problem.  Jesus is the answer. 

I went through the Guardian Ad Litem training a few years ago in Bartow, Florida to be a volunteer advocate in the courtroom for kids that were abused.  I quit in the middle of my first case.  I was interviewing this guy that was molesting the little boy of his girlfriend,  the mom was staying with the boyfriend, and DCF was taking the kids away bc the mom wont leave the abusing boyfriend.  Seriously?  Jesus is the only One to heal such sick jerks (sometimes cuss words just feel so appropriate in sentences, like right there.)   I don’t care what little program that has been designed to change these men.  They can’t be changed like that.  If it isn’t Christ centered, forget it.   Don’t get me wrong; I believe Christ can make ANYONE NEW.  I do not believe a little knowledge and training with these men will ever set them straight.  Same with abuse, you can beg to differ.  Some of you may email me back disagreeing, and that is fine.  I wont change my mind.  But unless you have Jesus, you will carry the weight of your issues forever.  No counseling or treatment is completely alleviating that.  If they still come up, I proved my point.  So, I was maybe 25?  I was just getting involved with church.  I wasn’t strong enough for this advocacy stuff.  I was Phyllis-centered back then.  I mean-- I did and said whatever I wanted and didn’t care.  I could kill someone in that house if I continued to be a part of it!!!    I didn’t want to actively be around that either.  I had way too much emotion in it.  I wasn’t able to handle that without raging.  Besides, I was against unification.  Nah, I don’t think they should all be a little family after mom leaves the sicko.  Mom needs help, too.  Obviously.

So here I am again.  This time Christ-centered.  I tell God daily that I am His.  My all in all is His to use for His glory.  So, I find myself staying awake at night asking Him to show me, lead me, point to people, places, things (I feel like I should end that with and animals…woot woot to my teachers)  to show us which way to go.  I want to move quickly.  Let’s go, God!  We know what it is…  move Nay and Luke here tomorrow and let’s get this show on the road.   We have already surrendered every aspect of our lives: hearts, selves, location, careers, etc.. Vamos!  But I know the process.  Even being “Christ-Followers” there is a process when you become fully surrendered.  God begins to completely strip you of you as you continue to seek Him…to become someone that is completely dependant on Him for decisions, peace, understanding, love, etc.  I am not the Christian I was in December.  Nothing like that anymore.  I know God on a new level.  Especially true for Luke and Nay right now.  I don’t want Him to speed anything up with them, me, or Elissa.  Elissa has some growing to do with anger, too J  I like that He will use her fire for His glory with us, too.  This guy was hitting on me on the van ride home.  He was beautiful, pretty sure they all are here.  Just as I was telling him I couldn’t give him my number bc I don’t have a phone, I turned to Lissa thinking she would give me hers to use, and she ripped him a new one about probably having a wife.  I laughed.  I was a little bothered by her flipping out in front of a van load, but I loved that she was being the B I usually am with my friends.  If he loves Jesus, I’ll see him again in town.  I’m not too worried.  I did tell her when we got off the van, to walk home, that he could love Jesus and she ruined my chance at getting married to a Dominican J  Maybe he doesn’t have a wife/girlfriend.  He said he didn’t.  Most men here do, though.  So it wasn’t far fetched and it seems very socially acceptable to have both from what I see/hear.  Okay, back to the story.   I truly want us all to be a group that hears Him clearly in all times.  I know this is insane to say out loud, but I’ve heard God tell me to be careful, walk faster, leave this store now, etc.  I don’t play with those times; I leave, walk faster, and stay on guard. We need to be a group that is capable of this and listen to one another. His eye is upon me (pro 32:8), and I believe that!!  He is God; I don’t need to second guess His intentions. They are of love (hellooo, tha cross).  I once read in a Stanley book that he would pray with his staff members over decisions and if they didn’t have the same Holy Spirit feeling about a decision, then they would not make a decision until they did.  Holy Spirit is the same in all believers, God. We hear Him in a different manner, I’m sure, but if we are all on the same issue..we should hear the same.  Luke and Nay had made a decision about something and I didn’t have all the details.  I didn’t know that at the time.  God kept showing me something and it was NOT lining up with what they had decided.  These two kids drive me flipping insane, seriously!! Kidding, they know I love them dearly.   Finally, when I was Skyping them one time I figured out what they decided.  I was given more details.  IT WAS what I thought was going to be the outcome, and what God showed me all along was what they decided.  He spoke to them and me about the same thing.   I was freaking bc I knew it wasn’t right if we heard two different things. I don’t like those times.  I don’t like saying “hey, we are hearing two different things. Something ain’t right.”  I just said ain’t J  I think it is important as Christ Followers to speak up to one another.  This is never finger-pointing, ever.  This is God is poking me in the side saying speak for Me.  You said I could use you, now giddy up, kid.  I usually don’t do it immediately.  I like to sit with it a few days; usually He doesn’t let me sleep.  We think as HUMANS with this societal norms, “Oh, I can’t meddle in their/his/her business.  That is not my family, etc.”  I wrestle with this, too.  I’m like God, seriously, go tell them Yourself.  I’m not just a human doing whatever I want in life to fulfill my needs and wants, I choose to follower Christ and His ways.  I am thankful that Nay, Luke, and I have lain in on the table as bro and sisters in Christ that when we do this to one another, it is out of LOVE.   We can speak Truth to one another.  We have opened the doors of communication and agree that our feelings don’t get hurt and that it is never, EVER attacking one another.  I can’t do this with all my Christian friends.  I am not saying that as a jerk, I am saying that out of honesty.  We are all holding onto a little something on the side and let’s not talk about that part.  I don’t know where this Christian way of life has come from that we do things alone.  I see it too often and it makes me crazy.   These two have moved to a place where they are so in love with the Lord that they are just chasing Him with an abandoned heart.  His will, not theirs.  <3  I love that I get to do life with these kids.   Off my soapbox, that talk was never meant for this email.  Guess that means one of you needed that.  L  I just hung up clothes on the line and I want to tell you all a secret.  I secretly love hanging my clothes on a line.  I do.  I thought I would HATE it, but I love coming out, taking a few minutes of my day to detach and hang clothes up to dry.  It takes forever to dry and they aren’t fresh and hot out of a dryer, but I love it.

So, most of you know Nay and Luke are selling their home in Auburndale, FL.  Their place is cleared out completely.  God is working His magic, as I like to call it.  Nay has made a list of things she NEEDS God to take care of to move.  I love hearing how He is providing and taking care of it for them.  Okay, He still shocks me when she tells me what is new J I know it is a hectic time of waiting for God to do what I KNOW HE WILL do for them, like sell the house, but waiting on Him to do that big one will grow their faith and they will stand on it forever.  They will see Who is capable of anything and everything.  I told them I was praying for their house for a few weeks, complete lie.  I’m sure Christians shouldn’t lie J  I do pray for them more than anyone I know right now, but it wasn’t to sell the house.  I was praying that God will use this to strip them of themselves and to learn what it means to truly hear Him and rely on Him to take care of this move.  They don’t need to do jack crap.  God, all powerful, will sell their house WITHOUT their help.  Go sitdown, kids, I am doing this!!  Not you!  I cant wait to see what God does with it!!  His ways are not OURS.  I love it!!  Sometimes, I ask God, “Big Papa, are you gonna sell that house???!!”  Then, He reminds me that I am crazy to think He isn’t.  Of fricking course He is.  He is GOD.  Why, or maybe,  how can I limit Him when I have seen Him do immeasurable things, in His authority, in my life to move me.  I love Him!  So, the other day, God gave me the go ahead to pray for selling the house.  Once again, I don’t get this praying thing.  How cool to be a part of someone else’s growth in Christ and drawing closer to Who the God of the universe truly is…and it isn’t even my life..or your life,  yet we get to see and grow watching the Lord’s power and control.  What!?  I watch them go through the process and I cant help but say, “That’s my King!  You are so awesome, God!!”  I often tell Him that I cannot believe what He is capable of now that I have handed it all over.   I do not worry about Luke and Naomi’s list.  I do not worry that they wont have enough money to sustain their family here.  I do not worry that they wont have enough money to keep Ethan at the school we are teaching at (they have to pay a monthly tuition to have him there… kind of pricey for the amount we are paid).  I do not worry about their student loans that won’t be able to be paid while they live here b/c they wont make enough to make that payment.  God will take care of that.  How?  I don’t know.  No clue.  How do I know He will come through?  He did it for me.   It was on my list of things that He had to do, to have me live here on a meager salary.  He took care of every single thing on my list!!! Tears just filled my eyes.  He did. How do you not cry at that? He took care of me in ways I didn’t know He could. Don’t read over that like it is nothing. Go reread it. I did nothing to move here.  If anything, I was hands-off bc I didn’t want to move here; I wanted to be comfortable in my little life in the USA.  What I do/did want, was to follow the Lord wherever He wills and do His work.  I kept telling Him not to listen to my bs and just keep molding me to be Yours wholeheartedly, when I say I don’t wan to do it, ignore it and keep on.  I want to do it, I just have a tug from the other side. He continues to do things in ways that are ineffable.  Some things I will never tell you guys b/c until you get it, you wont get it.  I am living in a house in the Dominican Republic alone and I have NEVER in my life ever felt this much “at home.”  What the heck is going on?  Why have I not cried about moving here yet?  I don’t think some of you get that.  I am NOT a social butterfly.  Give me a book and a couch.  I seldom leave the house in the summer.  I could go days without seeing people and be totally fine!!  Move ME to another country…ridiculous.  I am set in my ways. I like routine. Adventure is NO WHERE in my vocabulary.   If I am following what He told me to, what the heck do I have to worry about??  Money is HIS.  Even if you aren’t a Christ-Follower, the money is His.  J    My church is building homes in Honduras this summer.  (I added this after I finished..I didn’t ask God if I should give an offering to the Honduras House Building Fund church is collecting.  I thought, I live in the DR; I am passing on that this year.  I have an excuse: hold the money I have tightly, this stuff will dwindle, I get a pass to not give to that fund, I have to think about my future, and watch what I do.   So when I went to tithe my monthly Polk paycheck, I asked God if I was going to offer money for the Homes Fund, and what did He say?  Phyllis Marie, your money is My money.  It all comes from Me.  Do you think I will let you go without food one day?  (He couldn’t say homeless bc I was homeless for the first week He moved me here!!)  (Matty 6:25-26) I don’t have internet access on the porch, but I think that verse is right.  This isn’t about money.  It is never really about money.  Do I believe God will take care of me for all my days?  YES!  <3  Okay, I will give an offering.  Two things and I do not believe that God always follows up with blessings when we do what He says.  Can He?  Yes.  Does He?  Yes.  Always? No.  I do it because I am in love with the Lord and what He says, I say yes to!  So, one of you reading this deposited a little more than exactly what He told me to offer to the housing fund J in my bank account in the USA.  PS Person that said she wanted to support me and deposited that money, I didn’t tell you that until now.  Cool, eh!?  Freaking love the Lord.  The other thing is that someone at RPC is matching donations over a certain amount of money, my offering is that amount to the penny….double the blessing to Honduras Houses Fund.    I don’t say that to tell you to donate, I tell you so you see what He does when we listen.  I watched some of you stretch in faith to support my move, I learned from you guys, too. 

I will fly from the DR to Miami, then stay in WH for a day or two then fly with MY TEAM J to Hotown for the mission trip.  We will stay in FL for a few days after Honduras, then move the O team over to the DR.  Crazy. 

We don’t have any intentions on purchasing flights right now.  None of us have money raised for the Santiago Mission trip with Trash Mountain.  We aren’t worried.  Money is His, right?  Uh, yea.  Get moving, God Almightyyyyy.  Time for You to, giddy up!  God got me a flight 5 days before I moved out of the country.  I could have killed Him for waiting until the last minute to tell Sharon to do that for me.  It was the best thing that He did for me.  Make me wait and see His power.  We will do the same.  Dear God, this is Yours.  We will count on You alone to do this.  You will take care of it.  We will just wait and move when You say so.”  Oh, I just got to the end of page 4, that is my limit.  Some of you probably delete this before page 4.  Boorrring ;)  Don’t worry, when we publish our book, you guys will have read most of it ;)

This is the reason for the email…Trafficking sounds too big.  Too daunting.  I told God that morning and a few nights after that if He can take that cup, please do so and replace it with something else.  I want to do it if He wills, but I don’t think we can do anything with this madness.  We don’t know anything about it!!!  Devil says we cant change crap and I want to believe that jerk a lot of the time!!  But we have told God (the 4 of us) over and over again, this will be of YOU.  We never want to be man powered, ever.  I am jumping ship the second it isn’t Christ centered.  We will seek You on what this will look like, who we will join, how we will live if He pulls us all from teaching after this year, etc.  We live for You, Lord.  YOU WILL PROVIDE FOR YOUR KIDS.  We will stand on that.  Oh, will you guys be praying for Ethan (5), too.  His little butt is going to change this country, too, as he watches us and lives long after us-- to continue to do the Lord’s work… Love you guys!