I couldn't sleep very well last night. I felt like God wanted to talk to me, but when I asked Him what was up as I lay in bed, I heard nothing. Nothing like a talking to a brick wall. Nothing. I tossed and turned in bed and kept asking Him to help me focus and hear. Nothing. Eventually, after a while, I finally just passed out. I had a tough week last week with emotions of being here. Normal surrender things. My newest "It's not fair, God" is that I have to live here without a single person of my choice being here with me. Alone. The devil loves to whisper "it's not fair" to us to make us believe we should be able to have everything we want. I am not talking about material things. Like can I get an expiration date on milk and eggs, so I don't get sick from either of them? :) I try smelling the milk but it actually smells bad to begin with to me and Luke said if the eggs don't float in water they are fine. I usually just toss both b/c I don't want to deal with either one. Oh, can I have a Wal-Mart? And, the list could go on this week, really...
I woke up this morning and took my coffee out on the front porch with a notebook. I wrote the date and time at the top. I put my feet up and said, "Let's talk. What do I need to do, Lord?"
Abide in Me.
Okayyy. What does that even look like here??
Am I your number 1? Am I enough?
Tough questions, God. Glad He already knows the answers and is making me search ME. I know He doesn't have to search me, but this is how He will show me what isn't pleasing to Him.
I know the verses in John, I just spent the last month really pulling it apart during my personal Bible time, but I took out my Bible and read chapter 15. I stopped at the verse "For apart from me you can do nothing." I boxed it. It was already previously highlighted. Hmmmm, nothing.
And, so I said a prayer and asked God to show me in Google search. I came to this website and read the abiding articles: http://wondrouscross.wordpress.com/category/abiding/ Check them out.
Jesus even said in John 5:19 The Son can do nothing by Himself.
I can make up as many rules and guidelines as I want, but it doesn't matter how hard I "try." If I am not abiding in Him, then I cannot do it. I will fail. I can't bear fruit without walking with the Spirit.
My part is to submit my life to God. I can do nothing. Literally nothing apart from Him.
I got to church this morning and Pastor Ivan was preaching from John 15:1-17. Of course you are. Of course. Pastor asked if any of this was speaking to anyone, I didn't say a word. I was a little shocked, I must admit.
I do not have it figured out, but I do know I need to quit trying so hard to figure this life out and living it for myself... but remain in Him to do His will.
I woke up this morning and took my coffee out on the front porch with a notebook. I wrote the date and time at the top. I put my feet up and said, "Let's talk. What do I need to do, Lord?"
Abide in Me.
Okayyy. What does that even look like here??
Am I your number 1? Am I enough?
Tough questions, God. Glad He already knows the answers and is making me search ME. I know He doesn't have to search me, but this is how He will show me what isn't pleasing to Him.
I know the verses in John, I just spent the last month really pulling it apart during my personal Bible time, but I took out my Bible and read chapter 15. I stopped at the verse "For apart from me you can do nothing." I boxed it. It was already previously highlighted. Hmmmm, nothing.
And, so I said a prayer and asked God to show me in Google search. I came to this website and read the abiding articles: http://wondrouscross.wordpress.com/category/abiding/ Check them out.
Jesus even said in John 5:19 The Son can do nothing by Himself.
I can make up as many rules and guidelines as I want, but it doesn't matter how hard I "try." If I am not abiding in Him, then I cannot do it. I will fail. I can't bear fruit without walking with the Spirit.
My part is to submit my life to God. I can do nothing. Literally nothing apart from Him.
I got to church this morning and Pastor Ivan was preaching from John 15:1-17. Of course you are. Of course. Pastor asked if any of this was speaking to anyone, I didn't say a word. I was a little shocked, I must admit.
I do not have it figured out, but I do know I need to quit trying so hard to figure this life out and living it for myself... but remain in Him to do His will.
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