Fall Update

How is it October?  How am I turning 36 next Saturday?

I am behind on monthly updates so I will just recap some things to not make this too long.

I looked into homeschooling Daniela and sadly, the DR doesn't recognise it (for natives).  So, she is going to have to stay at the school she is at and deal with the physical fights that are ever present.  Last week her school called that she was sick and needed medical attention.  I was not in town and told them to go-ahead and seek medical attention if they think she needs the hospital.  I told them to go-ahead and do any tests they wanted to see what was wrong with her painful stomach.  In a classic God way, that same day I caught word that another missionary family felt led to give us money.  Of course the hospital did everything including an IV drip (Why?? I don't know) for D and they want her to have an X-ray done.  I haven't seen the bill yet, but He already provided for it all.  Amen it!

One more Daniela story.  I LOVE THIS STORY.  Last week, she was sleeping in my bed. I woke up and was in the bathroom, she shot up out of bed straight from her dream!  Full on emotion from what just had happened!  Talking a mile-a-minute in English about details, which is crazy she dreams in English.  She said that Satan had taken me (we talked about how Satan couldn't enter my body, she knew that, so I think this was a sin issue she was trying to pull me back from).  She said she went home and cried to God, "Are you going to help me?" She said she went to where the Devil had me.  When she approached it, it called her little girl.  A little girl that can't do anything.  This is my game, you can't win at my game.  Ready for her response??  She said, "I come in the name of Jesus;  the creator or heaven and earth and OF YOU!  I may not have power but the ONE that lives in me has POWER."   ::insert clapping and jumping here::

You talk to your kids about these sorts of things and it is so exciting to hear them take it in and believe it. This very day Daniela witnessed a girl being kidnapped. We talked about how we have to be in Spirit to know what God wants us to do in any given moment.  Maybe she was suppose to command authority over these 2 men.  Maybe if they tried to grab her, she is supposed to do the same, but if you don't ask God, you won't know and you'll have anxiety instead.

I love the little lady she is becoming.  She makes me smile all the time.  What a complete turn around from what she used to be like.

Jessica is doing great in school.  She is loving it and growing like crazy.  Every night she reads to me and my heart melts with joy that she can string words together.   She is 7, about 4'6 and weighs about 56lbs!  She really is the sweetest little thing on this planet.  Daniela just told her to quit asking us to watch everything she does, you don't need attention!  Jessica just walked passed me, raised those eyebrows, and look over to say, I DO need attention!  That is Jessi, friends.  She was so serious.  Queen of:  watch me do this, and this!

As for me, I haven't heard back from my lawyer or the families that are suing me for 1 million USD.  It's sad that this family thinks that this is what they need to do to pay their hospital bills.  The worst part is the money has gotten to them and they want abundantly more than what is needed to pay the hospital.  I heard the hospital bill is $1,000 USD.  We can't serve two masters, money and God.  We must choose.  If they truly are in Christ, God would have led them to me or someone to help, but they chose to go against the Bible and bring me to court.  Sad.  The thing they wanted, they missed out on because of sin.  Don't lose your faith in God providing, He will.  No matter what the circumstance is, we can rely on Him to be faithful.

This has just been a week of many blessings.  I told Daniela to give me a list of her needs and to get a list from her brother.  The next day, someone contacted me and asked what our needs were.  God never ceases to amaze the living junk out of me!  I am just overwhelmed by many things this week, including our safe house property.  We have finished the second level of a staff house.  It is so exciting to see the money flow in and the work get done.  We are taking mission teams this winter and all next year, let me know if your church/group/friends wants to come down and help!

Last thing I want to tell you guys. Another Jesus story.  2 weeks ago in church, I felt such a burden for someone in church, but I didn't go speak to her.  I didn't want to embarrass myself saying that I felt like God was pulling me to her.  Feel free to call that disobedience.  Ayyy.  Last week, it was there again and tears welled my eyes again.  Finally, I approached the teen.  I told her I felt God leading me to talk to her, but all that would come out is that she has some sort of wall she is putting up.  She was super cold and didn't say much.  I prayed over her for Salvation and tears filled my eyes to the darkness she was eminanting.  I must admit, I was pretty embarrassed the Lord would ask me to speak to her and then LEAVE ME WITH BARELY any words.  Like, don't you have more for her, God!?  Today, she came up to me and said during service last week...she was mentally building a wall, laying one brick after another for this Jesus stuff to not sink into her.  She said she told God if You are indeed real, show me a sign, send me someone.  (You have got to be crying by now, right??)  Here is a kid that does not call Him Saviour (yet), but here He is working a miracle.  Sending her a sign.  The very thing she asked for, He did.  I am so glad I was obedient this time.

I remember my day of, if you are real God, help me.  My BFF had just died and I was a mess crying in hysterics.  I did not jump and surrender right there, it was years before I started to follow Christ, but that was the day it all began.  As we talked today after church, she said many things that reminded me how God was working in me, claiming me as His child, yet I had not surrendered until my late 20s, but there was a pull on my soul that WOULD NEVER STOP until I gave in.

The girl told me that she had asked Satan to take her.  That she gives up and that he can have her, full permission, whatever it takes to stay away from whatever God was trying to do.  Nothing happened.

Goosebumps.

Satan did not over take her.  She said she wasn't so sure if satan just didn't want her or if somehow, someway God was not allowing it.  I touched her arm with my hand, God is claiming you as His.  You have not surrendered yet, but you will.  He chose you first.  

All of this sounds crazy and it sure is.  You don't have to believe in it, but it is really real.

As I fell into a nap today, God showed me this wall and asked that knock it down with a sledgehammer.  It was mentally exhausting!  Have you ever used a sledge hammer?  The thing is so heavy and you haven't even swung it yet!  It was one of those moments, you are sleeping but you are not sleeping, it feels like it is a different realm.  I felt like what seemed like hours trying to knock this wall down from the top to the bottom.  I have no idea why God would even make me do such a thing, mentally.  I woke up knowing, she isn't in this alone.  I am on her team carrying this, too. We often throw around the "pray for me." I do not.  It is serious and it is powerful.  We really do live in a fallen world that is being ruled by the father of lies, the devil.  This kid needs prayers to surrender and there is no other way to help her.  I told her to make a list this week of all the lies that Satan is saying and find scripture to match it with Truth.

My pastor asked us to close our eyes and think about whether we felt like we are the Pharisees or the adulterer in the story of John.  Do you think of yourself as the elite religious people or the person that has sin and it's exposed to everyone, shamed.  Of course, this is THE VERY story I felt God ask me to tell the teen, as I read this AM, if she was to come talk to me today.  I told her...as I thought about it, I felt Christ say jump on my back, kid! 

I don't feel like her or them.  I'm on His back saying, come, lady, that got caught sleeping with someone!  Come find rest in Christ! And, I look at the religious people and say throw your stones if you don't have sin!  I told the teen God didn't tell her to go work through her sin for 20 years and through some process she may or may not overcome her sin.  He said, GO and SIN NO MORE.  Start a new life.  Brand new.  Clean.  No old identities.  New. In. Christ.  I looked at her and said, aren't you sick of this life? ::Cue tears rolling down our faces::  Yeah, I am sick of it.  I know, girl.  I once lived there.  I know what a life feels like without Him.    

Commit to praying for this girl this week.  Take up your own sledge and get knocking this wall down that she has built with prayers.  Glory to the King that is always in control.  To the one that is relentless on us.  To the one that you can ask and receive.

Lastly, keep praying for our property.  God has many things to accomplish, seek Him on how you are suppose to help.  

Wisdom

Sometimes, God speaks to me by showing me the same thing over and over again.  Soon after I got back from Florida, I started Charles Stanley's book Walking Wisely.  Abuela O let me take any books I wanted off their bookshelf after Abuelo's funeral.  I secretly wanted them all.  This was one of a few I took with me.  Since then, I have seen the word wisdom over and over again many times.  My ears were perched to listen to what He had for me. 

Stanley talk about two kinds of wisdom:  Godly and earthly. 

Godly wisdom happens when we are walking with God.  It allows us to walk with people as we build relationships.  Not just mundane kind, but ones that are godly, deep, lasting, and purposeful.  Godly wisdom should be applied to all decisions.  Nothing is out of reach for God's knowledge.  Our businesses should be founded and continued on His wisdom, along with our health, relationships, parenting, and finances. 

When we walk wisely, we are aware that the Enemy is out to enslave, ensnare, and entrap.  (1 Peter 5:8)

Earthly wisdom is grounded in man's fallen nature.  Godly wisdom is grounded on a New Nature.  One that is given at Salvation.  2 Corinthians 5:17  Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:  The old has gone, the new is here!

We must remember that although every person can become WISE, not everyone can become famous, have fortune, or be educated.  Godly wisdom comes from God.  (James 1:5) His children are freely given it in obedience.  Earthly wisdom is learned. 

The Bible says in Proverb 9:10  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
    and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.  

How do we fear Him?  As followers we acknowledge that God is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and all loving.  He has the authority to judge, forgive, show mercy, and grant grace in abundance.  We surrender to the fact that His ways are not our own (Is 55:8). 

Working out of earthly wisdom shows that we think we are wiser than God!  Super foolish to conduct your life there because we could never see from His viewpoint.  This is exactly where the majority lives.  My friend John said this week, God can see all panels of the movie screen.  Not individually, as we do.  But it is all in from of Him at the same time.  Paul added that to God there is no past, present, future.  It just is.  Luke piped in that he is already present with his dad and Jesus from that viewpoint.  (As you can see, we had an incredible mission team this week for building and knowledge!)

Let me explain the two kinds of wisdom a little in depth.  Do not skim over this.  I see this as such a vital piece of insight God has let me in on.  Do not miss out.  

Earthly Wisdom:
LIMITED
Based on collective knowledge
Rational/Provable
"This is how men and women have acted, responded, lived over the years"
Uses the five senses:  see, hear, taste, smell, touch
"This is what works"
Can be narrow, w biases, prejudices, and desires
Information Age (can be understood, rationalized, and proved by science)
Can be studied and found

Godly Wisdom:
UNLIMITED
God's perspective
Based on what God sees: past, now, and what is yet to come
Based on a whole of any situation- start to finish, individual
This is what God wants
Has eternal benefit
Holy Spirit gives clarity
Productive
Righteous perspective
We win EVERYTIME
Expand ability beyond known

I wasn't prepared to come to the DR, many said.  I didn't know anyone and didn't have a place to live.  Earthly wisdom told these people to warn me that I might be falling into a trap and be trafficked (verbatim what people said).  From past experiences, things that have been studied using senses, it made no sense.  I agree.  But in my Godly wisdom, God said GO.   My student loans would have been reimbursed due to some low income area thing FL State offered...but I had to stay working for a few months to complete the number of years.  Earthly wisdom said, stay the few months and you can make the right choice to not have loans.  Godly wisdom whispered, go and I will get you a supporter to pay it off.  (I am loan free today!  All paid off by supporters).  The school I worked at offered me a principal position.  Earthly wisdom told many people this was an OPEN DOOR FROM GOD.  An opportunity that must be the path because it sprung up as soon as I got here.  Godly wisdom from the Spirit told me to not accept that position. That I was not sent here for that but for something else yet to be revealed.  In the missionary world, earthly wisdom says go home for the summer, reset,  and fund-raise for a few months.  Godly wisdom has told me not to do that.  God will feed me as He wills with whatever comes in my account each month.  (If God leads you to do that, do it.  It just isn't what He leads me to right now.  The point of that comment is that not all missionaries should follow some missionary fundraising book on how to support yourself.  That would actually be earthly wisdom.  Godly wisdom will do just fine.  He knows :)  Earthly wisdom tells me that I need to get out there and find a husband.  Godly wisdom has told me that I do not need to date, but just wait patiently as God prepares to send him.  

I challenge you this week to look and see if you are actually praying through your decisions at work and home.  Are you making decisions because this is what always works?  Looks right?  Will gain the most money?  Seems wise in most eyes?  Gains the most benefit?  Or, are you coming to God and asking Him to show you how to be godly in your decisions?  Which actually may make NO SENSE to anyone but yourself in the moment. 

God reminded me this week, we had a man approach us to help fund-raise millions of dollars to do all the safe house needs.  He had already done it in Africa for other organizations.  Earthly wisdom says absolutely do as he says, he is sent from God, clearly!  Godly wisdom told Luke to not follow this guy and cut ties with him.  God was not going to get glory that way.  (I agreed, of course, as nuts as it sounded that we were cutting this money maker off-- we do not want to work out of earthly wisdom to raise funds).  God has raised all of our money on the property in miraculous ways.  He has gotten credit every step of the way and it never makes sense where thousands of dollars keep coming from!

Glory be to Him!

(PS I have really been pouring myself into Wisdom studies and proverbs, join me!)

We Don't Have to Know

**I wrote this blog in route to Florida last week, finally posting it this AM.

Flight to Tampa.

Last Saturday, after running the race of life, a man I loved dearly passed away.  Sometimes he was called Jack, but I usually called him Dad/Padre.  Around my house, he was Abuelo O.  He was a father-figure I admired because unlike my loving dad, Jack was following Jesus. He was adamant to let me know I was family and to always bring needs to him.  Truly comforting to know that I could run needs to him and he could figure it out. Acts church.  Jack had a calmness to him. A numbers guy that was organized! Things I value, too :)  (As I packed last night, I found a suitcase of his in my closet. The address label was neatly printed, laminated, and hole punched. I perched my lips to not cry, then laughed! He would! And I secretly wished I had my own!)

So cancer.

When it showed its ugly head, Jack had a vision.  This was taken from his email last year:
Just wanted to give you guys some information about a dream I had July 3rd.  I would have told you earlier but I guess I am still processing it.  The dream lasted all night long and I could not shake it off.  It was as though someone was inside my chest and stomach, manipulating and distorting in a very real and painful way.  It was weird because I could not get myself out of the dream but I felt I was wide awake.  The words that kept going through my mind was TOTAL SURRENDER, TOTAL HEALING in every way.

As the year pressed on, we prayed and prayed for healing on Earth. As I felt led, I'd tell Jack what I was hearing from God. Whether it be to check his unbelief or pressing on until the mountain top like Abraham, I continued to be obedient in saying what I heard God saying in my heart,  pointing to healing here. 

Last week as things seemed grim and I wavered, God asked me, "So, this is where your faith ends?" I was convicted. No. Circumstances don't change it.  I will keep believing!

As Friday came, things went downhill so fast as the night approached. I could not understand what was happening. I continued to pray believing Dad would come out of this.  God gave me dozens of visions that he was going to write a book! So how does that happen if he passes??

Let me stop here. Do not add your own thoughts. Listen to what I'm saying. I'm not against death. I'm not throwing out beliefs because someone died. That did not rock me. It is natural, and heaven is the BEST place to be. Does my heartache not to see him again, absolutely. Do I cry from sadness, absolutely. Is he healed in heaven, absolutely.

But why did the Holy Spirit give me great faith that Dad was coming out of all of this alive and healed? Anytime God has spoken to me, I stood on it, and then it came to pass. Every time. But why did something change?

I do not know.

It was not me. It truly was not "what I wanted, so I prayed it," as some could say. 

I put a pot of coffee on once they arrived at the hospital to stay up through it all. Jesus reminded me that He asked the disciples to stay up and pray so that they would not be tempted. I sat on my chair reading my Bible all through the night. Praying, crying, yelling up to God. Luke was texting play by play.  I highlighted scripture after scripture of God being so loud and clear pointing to hope and healing.  I dated them and the time; scores of verses marked. The Bible was alive!! As I poured another coffee, I wept saying, "WE will glorify you! We will stand on this rock for years! All will know you did this!"  I was so confident in healing. I was led by the Spirit in those words.  (It felt exactly like the day I felt God tell me He would sell my car before moving here.  Then, in the craziest way possible, a stranger called me.)

I sat on my chair and "mentally" sat next to Dad and felt prompted to whisper over and over again, "come on, Dad. Let's go. Keep going."  My cheek to his chest (my chair), "we are going up. Keep going." These words just flowed from my mouth and did not feel like my own. I pictured heavens armies filling the room.

And yet. The time arrived. Dad passed away. Early morning was now here.

What happened? I don't know.

I woke up Saturday morning after an hour of sleep. I checked my phone to see if he miraculously came back.

No.

Dad died.

God died.

My faith shattered.

NOT BECAUSE someone died.

Because the Holy Spirit guided, directed, spoke, gave me verses, all these things and then what was shown didn't happen.

Broken.  As if I had a hand up, "don't, God. Just don't. You are not trustworthy." (Makes me cry on the plane as I type this).  "Just leave me alone. I'm done."

All in minutes, I thought, "oh my gosh, my religion doesn't even exist. Should I end my life? Because, really, if I'm not following Jesus, I'm done here.  All I have known for 10 years is following the Spirit. Start running my own life now? No way. I don't even know how to go back to before Holy Spirit living. Start making my own plans?? I'll fail. I'll flounder! I don't know how!"

I went for a walk with my friend Megan. I wanted to cancel on her. I was in no shape to walk w a "casual" friend. But I decided to get up and go. As I walked to meet her, my earbuds stopped working.  I didn't want to talk to God. Uh. Now I have to. No music. I kept thinking about all the times I felt like I should encourage dad. "Keep going to the mountain." I had guilt. I led him astray. But how?? There were times I felt convicted to speak up! That is straight from the Spirit. Telling me to speak out in great faith of his healing!    I would tremble thinking, "I don't want to speak up about anything!" I'm too young in my faith to speak up to Dad who has been walking his whole life. Like Moses, let someone else! 

I would wake up out of sleep to Bible verses on my heart that were for Dad.  Nothing I was doing! Total Spirit.

I had a massive breakdown that morning.  Massive.

All the things I believed seemed to be vague.  How do you live if you can't trust God??  (You don't.  I can't.) I said all these things and it didn't happen.  It didn't make sense.  All the decisions I made based on Spirit prompting were sitting before me. Here my life appears in limbo.  Like believing something for so long, then thinking it isnt real. 

I walked and thought, "ok, I can't start doubting my hearing of the Spirit. If I do, I'll doubt my whole walk. I did as God asked up until the minute Dad passed away." I had a confidence in that. But I was scared. I thought back to how I emailed Dad once saying, "my faith is a 10 for healing." How????  I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, but I will not doubt the Spirit directs believers.  He did and He does.

Megan and I walked, I cried, her eyes filled with tears. She didn't try to say anything other than what she was led to. It was perfect. I rambled. I cried. I couldn't catch my breath, at times. When we finished, a huge weight was gone.

As she tells me my blog through God changed her life months ago, I think, "oh, how ironic, I stand before her in hysterics that I don't even know what I believe anymore and she is saying Christ in me changed her."  She strongly says, "YOU DO HEAR FROM GOD!" It almost felt like a slap in the face, like, wake up!! (I needed it!) 

I got at least 3 texts that day of people saying, "His ways are higher than ours," ISA 55:8.  I hear you, God.

Then, my faithful follower of Christ friend Alyssa texted me. (When things are going on, I pray, "give me a person to speak Truth to me. Give me an example from the Bible.")

Moses.

He was chosen to lead God's people out of Egyptian slavery to the Promised Land God had for them.  Yet, when the time came, after all the work is done, after God led, spoke, directed Moses on what to do to get them to the land, God doesn't allow him to enter the land. He dies. My old Bible note says, "that's not nice, God."  You show him the land and say he can't go? I bet Moses didn't get it either. He made one mistake in following God in the wilderness, and it doesn't work out the way intended.

I can sit with this. I can live. I need to accept that I was to say as God directed and encourage Dad when He promoted.  In the end, He is God.

He is faithful. He is trustworthy. He is my everything.  Everything. And during this time of sadness, I could not do without the Great Comforter.  Nothing feels as good as leaning my head to the wall of the shower and crying in sadness knowing that that wall is Jesus. And in my lack of understanding to His greatness, He stands with me, still. And never leaves me. Ever. Even when I say "don't come near me."

Luke prayed as we sat in a circle at Mom's house, "Thank You for taking Dad." 

What a powerful prayer. Who says that??

The Holy Spirit in him can.

I'm honored to know Jack. I just wish I would have known him longer.

As Daniela says, "we will see him soon, mama. The Bible says, 'soon." 

Salvation

I posted on Facebook a week ago that Daniela surrendered her life to Christ ::me jumping up and down throwing fists up::

About a month ago, I started to notice that D seemed different.  Her behavior was opposite of what I have ever seen.  She stops mid-sentence to tell me she's lying.  I overhear her apologizing to Jessi for being frustrated or angry with her.  She apologizes without being told that she did wrong.  The house is calmer. Call me crazy, but a darkness feeling has left my house. 

One morning last week I let the girls come out on the porch as I read. I almost never allow them to interrupt early morning Bible time. They know this time is more important than anything they want to talk to me about. God had just revealed some insight to me about something and I wanted to share the wisdom with them.  Daniela went on to say that her Salvation story was different than classmates, her teacher said... as it related to my story.

Wait.

What?

What do you mean your story? When did you get Saved?

Well, you remember that day you high-fived me for stopping mid-sentence during a lie and I admitted it was not the truth? The night before.

Now, I remember this CLEAR AS DAY. I about freaked when she stopped and was honest. I remember looking her right in the eyes--shock at what just happened.  Like it is one of those moments your brain took a photo of and you have it stored easily to be recalled.  After that, I kept joking to her, "Who are you? What is going on!" And, I was telling people all the times that she's taken a turn in lying and her behavior with her sister. "She's so different, she's so different."

So what happen, I asked. (Living with a compulsive liar for 2 years, you take nothing as truth...down to "did you pee before we left?")

"It was just a bad day.  I got into bed crying and crying telling God that I try so hard and I just fail. I want to stop lying and I can't. I try to be better and I mess up. I can't do it! I give it to you! I know you can! Please give me your Spirit, God, so I can.  I am so sorry for all the things I have done, please forgive me."

Done.

As I type, my eyes fill up with tears. Yours should, too.  We should lose our minds in excitement when someone says they just got Saved. 

Once going to hell. Now, eternity with Jesus. Redeemed. Out of all her craziness, redeemed. Of all the identities pinned to her in the last 3 years. Washed clean as snow.  New. 

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:  The old has gone, the new is here!

All that remains is Jesus.

So let me rewind a litte...Afterwards, I wanted to "be there," so I could say, "yup, true."  I kept asking God, is this real?  Before she would sometimes claim Christian, claim Catholic, claim nothing, etc.

I was convicted in even asking. 

Why did I need to be there to say "yes, this happened?"  I can look at her fruit.  Before I ever knew that she claimed Christ, I already saw her new creation emerged!  HOW CRAZY IS THAT?  Why am I shocked?  I have no idea.  I know NEW MEANS NEW.  But for some reason I was in such awe and still am. 

I think about it all the time.  I thank Him constantly for His unfailing love.  For scooping down and grabbing this child. 

Last part.

Several months ago, I found out about a Jehovah Witness that was targeting kids before they went to school in the morning.  Most of the kids walk to Daniela's school.  It is maybe 6 minutes from our house.  This should have been a blog post all by itself and I never wrote it, but let me sum it up for you...  This one lady became "Daniela's friend."  Using techniques that resembled a child molester, she would trick her into reading the pamphlets, going to the website, being her friend.  She would ask her if her mom allows her to choose her own books at the library, "Great, here is something you could read because you can choose your own books."  And so on with the internet site.  I walked Daniela to school the morning, she said this lady meets kids outside the school.  I have a car now but I wanted to walk and pray there.  As we approached Jessica's school, sure enough she was there on a bench.  I walked so slowly, asking the Spirit to speak for me.  My heart began to race out of my chest.  I really DID NOT want to do this.  I felt like I was going to embarrass myself to the other missionaries that might pass by.  I was not going to "let this lady have it"...I was being obedient.  I knew God asked me to lay hands on her and pray. A week before I had a thought that wasn't mine (Spirit talking) to pray over her in the Name of Jesus...sure enough Luke tells me that he had a vision I was to pray in Jesus' Name.  ::oh gosh why did you have to tell me that and affirm::

As I prayed over her and touched her shoulder demanding that this JW stay away from my kids, as she seeks to devour them, in the Name of Jesus. This went on for a few minutes of things just flying out of my mouth in prayer.   (Hear me out, this sounds just as nutso as it was!  It was such an out of body experience I had never felt before. I couldn't even go into my house for 30-45 mins, I just sat on my steps outside my house texting.  High, so stinking high.  Power.  Authority.  In Christ.)

The reason I tell you this? 

At the very end as I prayed, and I fully believe my prayer was led by the Holy Spirit that lives in me, God said, And, this kid right here (Daniela) WILL BE IN THE KINGDOM WITH ME!  ::grabbed Jessica's arm::  And this KID WILL BE IN THE KINGDOM WITH ME! 

The lady kept trying to interrupt the whole prayer.   I would not stop praying and I left as soon as I was done feeling led. 


When I walked away, my first thought was, "Oh my gosh, these girls are going to be Saved!  That prayer was not of me but of God-- claiming their lives in His Kingdom." 

WOW. 

Look what He did. 

One down.

Hard One

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated. 

I promise to do a life update soon.  Today, I just want to talk about something on my heart.

Lately, I am more and more aware of the world around me.  I believe as you grow in Christ, He fills you with wisdom and knowledge you have never had before to have the mind of Christ.  You begin to see people and things differently.  I remember I would journal in my early years of being a Christian and would write and ask God not to show me these things (that were totally unseen before and now uncovered). 

My heart just breaks for Christians. There is a huge missing link and today it hit me: where is the Holy Spirit?  It is as if I am part of a religion where the MAJORITY gives no credit to anything the Spirit does.  We all got God and we credit Jesus for Salvation, but the Holy Spirit? DO NOT MENTION that He does anything!  You literally will freak a Christian out by talking about Him.   Once at the school I worked at here,  a girl said, “What is YOUR God going to do now?”  As if we weren’t in a room filled with Christians (whom no one said anything about this girls’ nastiness to me and her irreverence to God).   Her God was different than what MY God was capable of…  Really?  Her God appeared dead, unable to do anything these days and in these times.  The same group that was so disgusted that I would start a Bible study when they already had one.  Christians.  Mad.  Mad that I started a Bible study?  No one seemed to care that this was going on.  Ignore it.  My first taste at being a Christian and living in close community with “believers.” 

One “believer” here last year wouldn’t accept I moved here because God sent me…”OTTHERRRR than God.  Why did you come here?”  No, really, why the heck would I move from a place I love!???  Because God said GO!  Instead, I smiled and gave her a response she wanted that did not involve the Holy Spirit.  

Another wanted me to stop using my “God cards.”  Surely, I was out of those, she said.  Yikes.  The Holy Spirit seems to be very offensive.  (Or it might be accepted jealousy in the church?)

So, not only do we neglect a part of the Trinity, but we like to ignore a lot of things.  We ignore most of the Bible. By the way, does anyone really read the Bible?  Or do we just say we do? I have had to quit every Bible study I have been a part of in this country outside of the ones I started or Luke started.  We do not talk about sin.  At all.  No accountability.  Boldness for Christ is not accepted.  Unforgiveness, jealousy, rage, bitterness, quarreling, disunity…so normal and accepted?  Instead of helping a person have victory in their sin, we just let them vent, AND HELP THEM believe that it is NOT SIN.  Anxiety?  Not a sin.  Worry, we all do it.  Anger outside of righteous anger…not a sin.  Frustration, we all do that, too.  Bible study seems to be a hang out place.  Asking people to come weekly and read what you are supposed to, is offensive.  Very offensive, I have noticed.  Come if you want, read if you want, and don’t have the courtesy to let anyone know.  Does this really seem godly?

While I am on to lies of this world... this one is huge.  Don’t talk about end times or the Devil!  It doesn’t seem to exist in our world.   The devil loves that we refuse to believe these things.  I bet it sits right next to the lie that we all go to heaven.  I’m talking about Christians here.  Non-Christians, you can have a seat here and just read about what you already see in the church, sadly.  Somehow it seems that the Devil is not responsible for all the lies that people believe daily and no demon possession is going on at all around the globe to non-believers.  No way that could be happening.  And the world?  I am pretty sure no one believes it is ever going to end… “ever.”  And if you do believe it, you are slap crazy.  But, please do not talk about it.  Pick something a bit lighter, more pleasing to people. (I find this idea so odd.  When I came to Christ, I wanted all the knowledge I could soak up.  What is the Truth, tell me?!  I would sit through 3 sermons serving on the host team and never got sick of it!  God spoke through all three services and it was the same message!  

Where do these things come from?  Who started, just live your life and stay out of everyone else’s?  And who started you need to have a close relationship first with someone to talk to them about sin? Straight PRIDE in that sentence, yet it is a common belief.  Some would say it is in the Bible!   How can that be Spirit led?  Holy Spirit is telling you to not accept anything from someone that sees something in you that is not of Christ?  No way.  Pride tells you that.  Selfishness tells you that.  Do not try to help others with strongholds on their life…if you do, you are arrogant.  NO WAY you could be loving in that.  Most Christians think it is perfectly normal to go an entire day without thinking anything about Christ.  Nothing.  Some in my Bible study were shocked that that is ungodliness.  I sat in my chair in absolute disbelief that the DEVIL is this much rooted in our lives.  Christians are shocked that it is NOT okay to not think about Christ at all, ALL DAY?  How do you live in the Spirit if you give no thought to Christ?  A Christian doesn't even understand Spirit-ledness.  WHAT!  I could cry!  How did the devil do this???  Lastly, do not ask places your kids attend if they will be teaching “losing salvation.”  NO ONE WANTS to discuss that lie of the devil.  Somehow the majority has decided that the foundation of what Christ did, is not important enough to be discussed.  It is offensive. 

Let me tell you something:  You are being deceived. 

The devil is lurking in your house, around your kids and maybe IN your kid, on every show you are watching on TV, consuming your Facebook page, in your job, on your vacation, in your drink, in your town, in your state, in your government, in your food choices, in your Bible studies,  and in your churches.  And please stop saying “We ain’t perfect and never will be,” as an excuse for your hardened heart on the issue you refuse to surrender to God.   That sentence is straight from the Devil.

Jesus is enough.  We don’t have to change anything.  We don’t have to make it cooler or better or less “intense.”  We don’t have to leave out parts of the Bible and pick and choose what we want to talk about that is socially acceptable…it’s all acceptable to OUR TIMES. 

He is enough.

Last Sunday I was led by the Holy Spirit to stand up at the end of the sermon to speak.  As the speaker neared the end, my body began to shake in the Spirit’s prompting.  I knew the feeling allllll too often. I HATE when God asks me to do something I do NOT WANT to do.  I wrestled with Him, pleading. “Please don’t ask me to do this.  Stand up??  No one stands up at the end of a sermon and asks to speak to the congregation.  I mean that is absolutely stupid!  Change your mind, God.  Please, no.”   Right before I finally got up, I heard God ask me, “Are you going to walk out of here and be disobedient to what I am telling you to do?  Are you going to be okay with that?”

::Zoooooom::

I was taken back to a time years ago when I was in flight back home from a trip.  I felt prompted to talk to the man next to me about Jesus.  I did not want to do it.  I felt the prompt in my soul to “tell Him about Me.”  I knew it was God, but had no idea what was going on.  I decided to not talk to him… having no idea what that meant.  As soon as the moment passed and it was all over, I was so convicted.  I broke out into hysterics to what I just did.  The Spirit prompted me to do something and I flat out said no.  I cried…and I cried.  I was so sorry that I did not listen.

I was not going to experience that again.  And, sooo I STOOD for Christ.  It was to say, “Don’t close your ears/eyes to what is going on.”  Sadly, most will think what I did was to affirm the speaker or to make myself look like some great Christian, but what I did was speak when the Holy Spirit demanded that I stand up in His name.  I call myself a follower of Jesus, then I am to do as He prompts me.  I go where He tells me.  I do what He says.  My career is what He wants.  Phyllis is dead, Jesus is alive in me.  Phyllis’ desires dead. God’s desires alive in me.  I do not get it right every time and I screw it up, but I will always strive for obedience for the one that died for Me.  A Man that loved me long before I figured it out.

We watched Passion of Christ for Easter.  Some may say that that is a bit much for kids, but I let Jess watch.  She told me the other day, “Mom, I have these bad thoughts.  (Pause)  Bad, bad thoughts of Jesus all bloody and hurt on the cross.  I can’t sleep.”    (I did not feel bad for her or regret letting her watch the gruesome movie.  The first time I saw that movie, I sat alone in my living room on the floor by the couch, butt on floor, knees up to my chest, and I cried uncontrollably at what Jesus did for us.  “We didn’t just watch some movie, Jess, or you wouldn’t have been able to watch it.  That was real.  That happened.  That is what Christ did FOR YOU.  It totally was horrible, painful, and so bloody.”

Tonight she said, “Mama, I’ll be sad if you die, but I know you will be with Jesus and that is so much better than here.”

True, mi hija.

Car Accident

Last Saturday, Jessica and I left the property early.  Daniela was home sick.  We stopped at the supermarket for a few things and left.  As I got to the light, it was red and I stopped.  We saw one of Jessi's teachers, so I yelled out the window to her if she wanted a lift with her friend.  They passed on it.  We waited for the light to change.

Green.

I proceed.  I looked to the RIGHT because it doesn't matter what color the light is-- someone could be going through it. I looked left but a truck was already stopped at the light, so I pulled out.  Just as I got half way in the road to turn, a motorcyle flew out from passing the stopped truck, and smacked my front bumper.  A young boy's face is tattooed in my brain with his mouth and eyes open.

SMASHHHHH.

The back kid (age 15) flew off and he started to scream in hysterics.  The driver (age 12) jumped up and tried to get him up.  No helmets were worn.  I stayed in my car and a police officer was on the corner and ran over yelling at me to pull over.  There was a parked motorcycle in my way to park, but he kept hollering to pull over, I opened Jessica's window and yelled at him to stop, I can't pull over or I'll hit that bike!

Finally, I was able to get over and out of the way of traffic. By this time, the classic Dominican crowd starts.  I turn to Jessi to stay put and do not get out of this car.  I get out and walk to the cop and tell him what happened.  Tears are falling, but I pull it together fast because my Spanish goes out the window in a panic.   A man came up to my window yelling I need to take the kids to the hospital.  I said no.  I was not taking bloody teenagers in my car with Jessica.  Not happening.  I also knew taking him in my car means I am claiming fault as mine.  I call Luke frantic needing help to think!  He got a hold of our Dominican friend.  Out of no where an ambulance pulls up.

We have an ambulance in this country???  They come when called??  Who knew?

The police officer reassures me to calm down, no worries, it isn't my fault.

NO ONE does an investigation.  Even though the cop got in my car and I drove up to station, they write nothing down that he was there and said it wasn't my fault, they ran a red.  No one talks to anyone on scene for statements. 

My friend handles everything.  At first they wanted to keep my jeep, but he got them to let it go.  They told us to return Monday morning...we do.  The Lieutenant got too drunk on the last day of Carnaval, so he didn't come to work.  Check back in afternoon.  Ok.

Super frustrated to say the least.  When I went to the DA with Luke and our friend, the parents of the kids tried to change their original statements.  The 15 yo was driving, not the 12 yo.  It really doesn't matter, neither is of age, doesn't have a license, didn't wear helmets, and flew through a red.  WHY IS THAT even possible to change your statement to the police??  No clue.

They called for the camera at the local supermarket to be reviewed.  Amazingly enough the camera wasn't working Saturday.  We checked with the restaurant across the street and FOR SOME REASON the police dept didn't think to ask for his videos...and they erase after 3 days.  So no videos.  They did have photos from the news coverage, but you couldn't see who was passenger or driver.  They broadcasted it as an American women ran a red and hit these kids.

Mortified.

All these people present at the scene yet no one knows who was driving and what the light was so it is me against the kids.

The 15 yo broke his femur.  His parents want me to cover all his hospital bills.  I guess this is normal.  They think I have the most money, I should pay and it doesn't matter that a 12 yo was illegally driving.  His dad keeps saying he is poor but his family owns a restaurant and a colmado.  I cant even afford these bills either!!

All the police involved want a little bit of money.  I can't say I blame them.  The Lt makes $125 a month.  He can't afford to even feed his family on that amount, so he extorts.   They all do.  It's disgusting.  No justice.  They'd rather sit around in a room with Jess and I asking if I'm single and looking for a Dominican husband.  I clearly said no.  He said, "why not?"  I said no one was equal to me and I was waiting on God.  :) Jess flashed a smile at me.  (She hated the police station.  She handled everything so well!!  When I had to go back on Monday, Jess said, "Mom, take Tio Luke with you! Don't go by yourself")

I woke up today waiting for the video footage.  I was so anxious.  Scared to go to jail and scared to be sued.  As I prayed fervently, I heard some birds outside going wild with noises outside my window...I was reminded that God takes care of the birds...He will take care of me.

I leave you with this little bit.

My friend here was attacked by her neighbors, and her husband as well.  The police did nothing about it.  An American pastor got in a car accident while on a mission team and was arrested and they stole his passport this week.

I was scared to drive after the accident.  I knew fear wasn't of God and had to keep going to not succumb to what the devil was whispering to me.  Nay and I headed to Zumba at 545pm Monday night.  Just as we approached the school Zumba is at, we heard a car alarm.  I looked in my rear view mirror and the car behind me by accidentally side swiped a car.  OUR ROADS are so small and this street is a two way, but not enough space for two cars.  It is an absolute mess.  The MOB of Domincans starts and people are pulling on his car door handles trying to pull him out.  We were in awe and were frozen as to what to do!

And then I heard what I have been asking God to reveal for months...  Something has changed,  I heard in my soul.  The end times flashed before my eyes.  If I think this place is getting more toxic, it is nothing compared to what we are about to see in the world.

I am not one to scare anyone, but I believe it's coming.  

Rest

After a week of getting into trouble (again) for lies, Daniela is finally off punishment.  Then, today she does something she KNOWS she is not to do.  While she is in punishment, she usually does something else.  Super frustrating, to say the least.

I must admit, I think she thinks the same thing I do...why?  I try to talk it out with her.  She doesn't ever have much to say.  She doesn't even understand herself. 

Some days I am great and rely on the Spirit to help me have self control and other days I fail and raise my voice wondering why she causes such chaos so often.  

Staring at me at the end of the bed in silence, she just crawled into my bed quiet as can be.  Pushed her whole warm body up against my legs and side and fell asleep.  I am freezing from being in the rain working this AM, and I am glad she did.  Being loving and showing love through touch is hard for her and she is often cold and rigid.

I have never seen her take a nap in a 1 year and 8 months. 

She is exhausted. 

She exhausts me.

Love

*laying in bed, but can't sleep because I need to tell you guys this first

As I stood in worship today, my soul was overwhelmed with the young American boys that attend the campus program for troubled teens. As I watched them sing, I closed mouth smiled and kept tears from falling from my eyes. God is up to something big. I love this group of boys! I visioned myself placing a hand on each head, asking God which one, Lord, which one?"  I could literally feel something happening in the room.  Whose heart are you tugging at, God?  I prayed prayers over all of them, back and forth. Hedge of protection. Grow them in You. Make them leaders.

I leaned into Luke and Naomi to say Jamie (their house parent-Holy Spirit in him) is transforming these boys' lives. They are worshipping. Luke said , "I know I'm about to cry over here!"  I said, "me too!"

After service I went to go chat with Jamie and started to cry telling him what good work he's up to. I was so overwhelmed, again,  crying more than being able to talk. My spirit was so happy, tears just fell. Overwhelming love of God filling me. His power overtaking me.

What does he say?

One of the boys just got Saved.

Of course.

Love.

Jesus. 

Mountaintop

The new year always makes me reminisce of moving to the Dominican.  4 years ago this year, my world started to flip upside down.  I had applied to this school in the DR and they ended up hiring me, when I really thought God was just "testing" my heart.  After they hired me, I spent the next five weeks preparing to leave quickly.  My brother told me about this song for Martin Luther King, Jr called Up to the Mountain by Patty Griffin.  I became obsessed with it.  I would play it in my house and car on repeat.  I would cry over and over again to it in surrender to God's will for me to move to the DR.  One story of the Bible, I've mentioned before, was about Abraham being asked to take his son to be sacrificed on the mountain top.  I would hear God tell me to, "Go, Phyllis.  Just go. You do not know what I have for you, but you just go."  Like Abraham, I had no idea what God was going to do.  I wasn't laying a child down to die, but laying myself down to be sacrificed.  A giant rubberband.  God would show me how I wanted His will but also wanted my own desires...but they didn't fit the plan...So I would cry.  A sweet humbled cry of wanting to go where He said, but also scared that I do not know what lies ahead...and doing it alone.  Go to a place where you know no one and you have never been. 

Go. 

So, this song was perfect. 

"I went up to the mountain
Because you asked me to (**these first words would always make a tear seep out)
Up over the clouds
To where the sky was blue

I could see all around me
Everywhere

Sometimes I feel like
I never been nothing but tired (I am not sure I slept at all in these weeks)
And I'll be working
'Til the day I expire

Sometimes I lay down
No more can I do (I was so exhausted and felt like death)
But then I go on again
Because you asked me to

Some days I look down
Afraid I will fall (because following God requires faith and crazy things are going to happen)
And though the sun shines
I see nothing at all

Then I hear your sweet voice <3
Come and then go
Come and then go
Telling me softly
You love me so :)

The peaceful valley
Just over the mountain
The peaceful valley
Few come to know

I may never get there
Ever in this lifetime
But sooner or later
It's there I will go
Sooner or later
It's there I will go"

 

I am listening to it tonight on repeat.  January/February 2012 is just flooding my brain.  Seeing God work miracles to move me here.  But it has never stopped since the day I touched down on this island.  I see Him move in mighty ways and use me for things I could never imagine or do.  Why?  Because I lay down myself as a sacrifice for whatever He wants.  I want it no other way, even though earlier today I shed tears over the promise of a husband He gave me a while back early one morning on my porch.  Clear as day, I remember exactly what the Lord said about him.  But, I have yet to see the promise come to pass.  Tonight, I am in one of those mountaintop moods.  I will keep walking until I get out of this valley.  When I think I heard wrong, I think back to that morning where it was clear as day and remind myself if the Lord said it, He will do it.  I need only be still, yet go...

 

In case you haven't seen on FB, we are building a safe house for victims of human trafficking.  4 years later and the land is purchased.  The reason for my "mountaintop move" is here.  Crazy.  Isn't it?  When I go out to the property, I cant help but pray and just say, "Thank You, Lord. Thank You that I get to be a part of this plan."  

Get moving to your mountain.  You will die, but you have to...in order to live.

 

www.fightministries.org to donate to the cause.

Listen to the song