Started 11:33AM
PE Break 11:20-11:50AM
I
am in the process of learning something with my Lord. I love when He
does this. I love to grow and know Him more and more. If you are never
out of your comfort zone, you cant be stretched to live by faith. I
love that sometimes it is something He is teaching me for the future
and He uses something simple as Him telling me to pause until He says
go. He has been telling me wait on flights home and back to the DR
with the Ostbergs. I cant pinpoint all of the reasons but I know
some. I woke up today and I didnt have the "pause" feeling. Feeling
isnt the right word to use. God was telling me don't buy flights until
I give the "go ahead." I get frustrated with Him. I shout up to the
ceiling asking, "What are you doing!? There is no reason to stop me on
flights." He lets me be an absolute brat. I am still learning to not
act without Him giving me permission to do so. I dont mind the
process; I am so glad he can use something simple like a flight to
teach me to hear Him. He has to do this to get me ready. I want to be
ready when the time comes. I just need to follow what He is saying.
Stretching is sometimes very difficult, but I also appreciate Him
slowly teaching me things as I go along following Him. I think being a
missionary is difficult because the American way is thrown out.
Completely. But, uh...this is all I know, Lord. How can You say that
that isn't the path for me?? The idea of having to move again and again
doesn't feel normal. Well, not by the standards of our society. Here
in the DR, it is normal. I wondered why I had been in a few homes and
it wasn't decorated much. I can see now that you move "here and there"
following God. That isn't to say that I think God is moving me all
over the DR, but I do know that another move is coming. Maybe sooner
than I thought. I really love Jarabacoa. I was sitting in the sun
reading yesterday and it felt like a mix of the Florida HOT sun and the
NY fall breeze. I just kept thanking the Lord for how awesome it was
out there!! I feel like it is a reward for following as He says. I
came here thinking I was going to be miserable bc everything would be
so different. That isn't the case. I love it here. I thank Him for
all of it because it stretched me so much-- having to just leap into
whatever it was going to be here and not knowing anyone/thing.
This past week I had been asking God to help me let go of American life. The culture, or ways, in which we do things. I was asking God how long would I be doing this? What about my retirement? How do I save for the future to come? How will I move from place to place and not be at a stable location like we have set forth in OUR American way of life? What if donations ever run out? What if people aren't so giving years from today? He reminds me OFTEN, that that is NO longer something I NEED to figure out. That is NOW His job. "Hunnie, you said yes. You said here I am: mind, body, and soul. Now, I am in the driver seat." So, I can take Him up on some Matt 6:25-34 because I am choosing to always follow as He directs. He cant be wrong. He will do what He says He will do.
11:20PM
In bed typing
There is a timeline of what you need to do to keep up-- to be in with the NORM. This isnt it. That is hard for me to grasp. I dont know how long I will be teaching, but I dont feel like it is much longer. So, Lord, I got a degree for nothing? He has told me that that isn't true. He doesnt think the way I think. My degree is what ultimatedly got me to the DR, so if that is all He wanted my degree to do was to move me here, then mission accomplished. He is God. He can do that. He can say, "6 yrs teaching and you are done. Onto something else I have for you to bring Me glory. This isn't about you, Phyllis." Dear God, I am pretty sure we have set up a world that says it is most definitely about ourselves. I want to remind God that I am suppose to retire from the same school I have been at for 30 something years, etc. That is what we do, Father. That is what we do.
So, I didnt have any money for my Santiago mission trip ground costs a few days ago. I told God that I would pay for it if He told me to, but that I really didnt want to because it would be a lot of money out of pocket... what if I run out of money one day?? He told me that I am not in control of my money, He is. I want to believe that so badly, but we all know we need to work hard to get paid. I have been taking care of myself for many, many years. I dont know what it is like to not pay every bill alone. I put myself through school and now, You are telling me to sit back and watch You pay for everything? Insane. Especially, when we are talking about 1,000 dollars for a mission trip that I needed, like, last Saturday. I woke up this morning and was listening to a sermon while I got ready. After that one finished, another one started to play. I went into the kitchen to shut it off b/c I didnt know the speaker and I don't listen to Pastors I dont know/trust...but I felt God saying, "listen." So, I did. It was alllll about what I have been talking to Him about--providing for me. Providing for me no matter what comes my way. If He tells me to do it, He will provide everything I need to accomplish the task. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, and FINANCIALLY. Guess what happened today? In a matter of 24 hrs, that cost was covered for me BY God, through people. He knows I trembled a little saying I would give up that money (surrendered), but He also knows my heart and that I am in love with Him. He knows that although I may tremble as I try to walk, I WANT to trust in Him to guide me in each step bc I will sink without Him. I told Him yes, I will pay for it... and then, He gave me the money in another way. Why? Half the time, I don't even know.
His ways are higher. Different. He will always do things in a way that points straight to Him. In a way that we can only say, holy monkeys, that is God! Sometimes, I EVEN say holy monkeys!! And, sometimes, I read a text from my pastor and sit on the couch to catch my breath because God really does what He says He will do.
This past week I had been asking God to help me let go of American life. The culture, or ways, in which we do things. I was asking God how long would I be doing this? What about my retirement? How do I save for the future to come? How will I move from place to place and not be at a stable location like we have set forth in OUR American way of life? What if donations ever run out? What if people aren't so giving years from today? He reminds me OFTEN, that that is NO longer something I NEED to figure out. That is NOW His job. "Hunnie, you said yes. You said here I am: mind, body, and soul. Now, I am in the driver seat." So, I can take Him up on some Matt 6:25-34 because I am choosing to always follow as He directs. He cant be wrong. He will do what He says He will do.
11:20PM
In bed typing
There is a timeline of what you need to do to keep up-- to be in with the NORM. This isnt it. That is hard for me to grasp. I dont know how long I will be teaching, but I dont feel like it is much longer. So, Lord, I got a degree for nothing? He has told me that that isn't true. He doesnt think the way I think. My degree is what ultimatedly got me to the DR, so if that is all He wanted my degree to do was to move me here, then mission accomplished. He is God. He can do that. He can say, "6 yrs teaching and you are done. Onto something else I have for you to bring Me glory. This isn't about you, Phyllis." Dear God, I am pretty sure we have set up a world that says it is most definitely about ourselves. I want to remind God that I am suppose to retire from the same school I have been at for 30 something years, etc. That is what we do, Father. That is what we do.
So, I didnt have any money for my Santiago mission trip ground costs a few days ago. I told God that I would pay for it if He told me to, but that I really didnt want to because it would be a lot of money out of pocket... what if I run out of money one day?? He told me that I am not in control of my money, He is. I want to believe that so badly, but we all know we need to work hard to get paid. I have been taking care of myself for many, many years. I dont know what it is like to not pay every bill alone. I put myself through school and now, You are telling me to sit back and watch You pay for everything? Insane. Especially, when we are talking about 1,000 dollars for a mission trip that I needed, like, last Saturday. I woke up this morning and was listening to a sermon while I got ready. After that one finished, another one started to play. I went into the kitchen to shut it off b/c I didnt know the speaker and I don't listen to Pastors I dont know/trust...but I felt God saying, "listen." So, I did. It was alllll about what I have been talking to Him about--providing for me. Providing for me no matter what comes my way. If He tells me to do it, He will provide everything I need to accomplish the task. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, and FINANCIALLY. Guess what happened today? In a matter of 24 hrs, that cost was covered for me BY God, through people. He knows I trembled a little saying I would give up that money (surrendered), but He also knows my heart and that I am in love with Him. He knows that although I may tremble as I try to walk, I WANT to trust in Him to guide me in each step bc I will sink without Him. I told Him yes, I will pay for it... and then, He gave me the money in another way. Why? Half the time, I don't even know.
His ways are higher. Different. He will always do things in a way that points straight to Him. In a way that we can only say, holy monkeys, that is God! Sometimes, I EVEN say holy monkeys!! And, sometimes, I read a text from my pastor and sit on the couch to catch my breath because God really does what He says He will do.
"You lead, I follow. Your hands hold my tomorrow. Your grip, Your grace, You know the way, You guide me tenderly." -Jamie Grace My students love to sing that song. Amen. I do, too.
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