Dying

I have started Matthew again this week in my personal reading time.  FIGHT Bible study is doing Hebrews.  Both are great books for new readers to pick up and read easily, so maybe choose to start a book tonight in one of those places!  Get reading!

Before I talk about something I read in Matthew last night, I want to encourage you to start dating the books you read.  I know at times, God asks us to read a part of this or that (I have recommended that you date the verses He speaks through before in this blog), but when He has you work through an entire book, I encourage you to start putting the date and year you read it by the title.  This will allow you to see how often you have read a book and over a lifetime it will show you how God’s word is so ALIVE every time you have read it, for the time that you read it.  I just started that recently and I know it will be just as encouraging as dating my verses have been.  Faith. Grows. 

 

Matthew 4:24

New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁴ Then His fame went throughout all Syria; and they brought to Him all sick people who were afflicted with various diseases and torments, and those who were demon-possessed, epileptics, and paralytics; and He healed them.

Jesus healed them all. 

I thought to myself, all?  He healed all?  He healed all these physical/mental illnesses that were brought to him?  No matter who they were?  No matter what the deal was or what had happened?  No matter what they did?  He healed these people that had faith if they just got to Jesus, they could be healed?

Yea.  He did.

What was I so shocked about… isn’t that exactly who Jesus is?  He heals us.  Instead, I want to think like a human and say, “whoa, what are their stories?  What were their lives like?  What were they saying about Jesus,” blahhhhh.  That aint Jesus’ way.

He will always Save a person from their sins if they become His follower. And, there is no sin “too big.”  Isn’t it strange that in order to be healed by Christ we must die?  All of those persons had to put themselves aside (die to self control) and realize, “I can’t do it, but this Jesus can.”

Dying to oneself and picking up your cross daily (Matt 10:38, Luke 9:23, Matt 16:24, Mark 8:34), so that you are not the central theme of your life (Salvation, just in case you weren’t sure what Salvation was… it is not a thing you say and go on living any way you want.  You give your life to the leadership of Christ…and you become new 1 Corin 5:17.  It is not something done with your mouth; it is something you do with your heart.  It’s making the choice, in Christ, to turn away from our self-centeredness and self-control to Christ’s direction and control.) 

When you are in Christ, yes, you are healed by being Saved and getting to go to heaven.  But as for this life here, you are healed, as well, to anything that was controlling you before and whatever is about to come your way walking through this life.  God can completely physically heal us of anything, if He chooses. However, maybe you are not physically healed of your disease, but you ARE healed by the freedom you have that it does not control your life anymore.  You have died to its control and are healed of its controlling power of who you are and your emotions. 

The same goes for anything else that controls you.  Outbursts of anger, jealousy, sexual immorality, getting drunk, being selfish, purity, quarreling, division, dissension, envy, etc (Gal 5:19 sins) can all be healed.  ONE IS NO WORSE than the other. 

You are healed.  Faith in Christ is the only power that can do that.  We have the Holy Spirit as Christians, this allows this power to take charge.  Choose today to stop saying that your family yelled, so you are a yeller <---most common one I hear (or change it to whatever you use to condone your behavior)…  that is a lie of the devil that that is who you are.  NOT JUST SINS, but you WHO YOU are changed, too.  You entered a new family when you came to Christ.  You were healed of _____ and you can take ownership if you have Faith in Christ to heal you.

The only thing those people did in Matthew was…believe. 

Action follows belief. 

God's Love

This will be quick, I just want to share something with the world tonight.

I was in the USA this past week because a friend of mine raised some moola with a garage sale and then paid the rest of the flight out of pocket.  That was just the very beginning of many blessings from God.

I had an incredibly blessed week, not a regular people are nice week, but a mind-blowing week of Jesus showing me specifically how He is very involved in my life.  Before I left someone randomly emailed me asking if I needed anything.  Sounds like no big deal but it was huge.  I had been praying for that very thing.  I waited, was obedient, and then my faith sky rocketed when He answered His way. I told her "thanks for being obedient, God kept telling me to wait for the person to contact me and here you are."  Several times, people would repeat something I said to God in prayer.  I prayed for some extra money for shirts and a friend said verbatim "God is telling me to give you this because you want to buy t-shirts or something."  I cried.  My pedicure lady cried. My friend started to cry.  My other friends said "knock it off!"  (I love you girls).  I prayed for money to pay for my extra luggage to go back.  2 separate people slipped me the EXACT amount I needed.  There were also many times on my trip that God said "do not accept this or that," I obeyed making sure to only receive what He wanted me to have.  America is a great place and you can be sucked back into the "I need's" very quickly.

Mid week, He prompted someone to pay for part of my sneakers that I needed.  A friend's sister said, "You are so emotional!" as I cried yet another answered prayer.  I thought, "No, I am not."  BUT I totally am!  How do you not cry when the God of the universe whispers, "this is from Me."  The funny thing is that if you ask my friends what kind of emotional person I am, they would say "very controlled, straight forward, not easily swayed" but the Holy Spirit makes me teary-eyed every single time. I told her, "you did not choose to do that, God prompted you to do that because I prayed to Him for it."  I think we were both just as shocked.

This tops it off.  This morning, I felt God prompt me to give money to 2 great causes.  I was hesitant, just being honest.  God still asks me to give offerings above my tithes to my churches, of course.  I must admit, sometimes, it is hard to part with money when you live off donations.  With hesitation and talking it over with God, I was half obedient.  (I didn't want to write that part because I was embarrassed, but obviously I felt convicted about it, so here you go).  I was thinking maybe I will wait on the other and see if God reallllyyyyy is asking me to do that.  Then, I crawled into bed a few minutes ago and opened an email from my church that shows God replaced the money He asked me to give up (to help someone else)...  Not only that, but MORE than replaced it (with random donors).

It never gets old and it always floors me.  Floors me so much I had to get out of bed and share this with you all and...to make that other donation to the other person.

My heart is so filled with joy.  The kind that I do not understand.  The kind that will often make me smile and only I know why.  Millions of things going around me (some bad and some great) and there is this love that fills me that is ineffable.  Constant calmness and feeling of awesomeness that flows inside. 

I was jogging tonight and praying.  Out of my mouth flowed "God, I LOVE your love."  I laughed afterwards. Sometimes I ramble in prayer and this was one of those moments, but I paused in that feeling.  I do.  I love it.  It is the reason I am obsessive about Jesus.  His love is so consuming;  consumes my body and consumes my mind.

To all of you that take care of me month after month, thank you for being obedient!  Which allows me to be obedient as well.  Heather Linn, thank you so much for taking me in every time I am home and blessing me mucho.  My last day in America was spent with some of my favorite people screaming "Gimme the Beat Boys" as we drove to the airport.  Although I miss them terribly at times, I would give up my very life to follow Christ and be filled with that LOVE.  Doesn't matter where I go in this world, I never go alone anywhere, and there is always joy inside me. :)  I found it.  Have you?

Love from the DR.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom

I am in Colossians this morning and it reminded me of several friends questions this week and things they are going through.  Colossians tells us to clothe ourselves with mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and forgiveness.  “Above all clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”  And, we are also to let the peace that comes from Christ rule in our hearts. 

But where does this love come from?

1 John 4 tells us that God is love.  It comes from Him.  Only Christ in you can love “this way.”  It is not seen everywhere and it is only birthed in Him.   This world is filled with good people, but the love of Christ changes the world.

So, all those virtues above are signs of love.  And, they are bounded together by love. 

As we can learn, as Christians, that conflict has nothing to do with the person we are dealing with, but with God (and ourselves), then we can find resolution, peace, and unity.  I believe the only way to love yourself is to know His love.  When you enter a relationship with Christ, you encounter a love you had no idea existed; self confidence, self esteem, and self value stem right from there.  Also, this is that same love that you can then have for others. You can love others that love you and be kind to those that are kind to you, but Matthew 5 says, “but doesn’t make you any different from anyone else, pagans and tax collectors do that.”  This is different.

I was talking to a friend last night and I reminded her about a problem she is battling with:  this conflict has nothing to do with the person you are dealing with.  Nothing.  The way you react is not dependant on them.  It doesn’t matter what he said and HOW he said it.  As followers of Christ, we are to take things people say and do to us, to Him.  Ask Him, is this true? Or is it not true? And, how do You want me to deal with it?  (I love you, but if you are not reading your Bible this will not be your first reaction to conflicts.  Getcha booty in the Bible.).  In the case of another friend, maybe that means you say nothing and you walk away, so you do not lose it.  Then you can go to God later when you are calm, and then resolve it after God gave you wisdom.  As you practice self-control in Christ, it becomes more and more second nature.  Jump out of your God box and things unravel.  It can always mean choosing not to react out of emotion.

Most of the time, the person that spoke harshly didn’t even say what you think they said.  Your mind, thoughts, feelings, past emotions, etc conjured up something else. Someone may have caused you to have certain views, negative thoughts about yourself, feelings, emotions, and pain (physical and emotional).   Someone pinned you with a name or situation as a young person and now it is a memory, and ultimately, it became your identity.  You believe it to be true so it seems to just follow you through adulthood because, well, it is always there in your head, so it must be true.  “This happened because of that. See, it’s true.” 

Everyone does this.  I do not claim to be a counselor but these are all things that have come from the wisdom of God.  When you ask Him to show you why you do things or others around you act a certain way, He will guide you into a different knowledge to deal with people and situations in a GODLY way with His love.  I am not saying it is easy, but you can step back and see these in people and remain calm in Him.  Only with this knowledge did I break free myself.

As a Follower, you get a new life in Christ. 

Do you believe a new creation in Him???? (2 Corn 5:17, Romans 5:18, Romans 6:4, Romans 2:29, Romans 6:12…  There ARE WAY MORE LISTED IN THE BIBLE. Those are the ones that I recorded in the back of my journal for reference)

Not just a “used up, take me as I am, worn, exhausted, sluggish, and battered from the abuse of life’s past…but a New Life in Him.  He says a new life over and over again.  Paul was transformed.  One day killing Christians then came to know Christ and drastically changed.  What is the difference today?  He actually believed and trusted what He said.  (Blog on that saved on my desktop for another day).

The reason that you still think about comments and conflicts tomorrow or the next day or next week is because you have chosen to not take it to God and deal with it.   That is unforgiveness.  Sometimes that means going to a counselor because you taught yourself to deal with your emotions in a negative way and now you CANNOT GET THEM untangled after years of trauma.  Go.  You have to, your brain has developed a path of handling issues (my counselor friend told me)... but with Godly counsel, God will untangle.  I commend you for it.  You literally have to choose to abide in Christ (John 15:4) and hold thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5).  Do not allow them to think anything before you take it to God to filter from your own garbage.  ME included!  The same girl that God designed to work for Him that has no problem asking a trafficker, “Oh, hi, are you a family friend?  Are you Dominican, where are you from?”  Is the same girl that will rip your head off if I let the devil whisper in my ear enough…

One is abiding and being used for the Glory of God.  The other is selfish, without self-control.  My tenacity for justice is the same, but now it is not for myself in defense to the devil’s lies to my head, it is for something important and real.

I believe with the Holy Spirit that lives in us, He can tell you anything.  Maybe it is with the help of other Christians.  I like my bff Heather when I have conflicts because she is in my face, straight-forward.  That is love.  She encourages me to do God’s will, in this world and in my head!   I don’t always like her advice, but God does.

So where do you begin?

Before you can start to fix outer conflicts, your inner Jesus conflict needs to change.  In my Bible study this week, we discussed putting on your helmet of Salvation.  When you do this, you have the mind of Christ.  Pause.  Think.… the mind of Christ.  Do you have thoughts that are of Christ?  What about sadness?  Gloomy?  Depressive?  Negative?  Combative?  Bitterness (unforgiveness)?  Unworthy?  Exhausted?  Discouraged?  You deserve ___?  Jealousy? Selfish?

That is not the mind of Christ.  KICK THEM OUT.  “God, is this person trying to be intentionally mean?  Trying to harm me?  Humiliate me?  Attack me?”  If GOD SAYS, yes, and He MIGHT, remove yourself.  There is no dealing with that.  

But I know most of the time, it isn’t true.  It is a lie in your head.  You have to choose to trust God.   You then have to trust that the people that are around you, love you, and are trying to help you be a “better Christian.” (Or if they aren’t helping you because they are not Christian and really are just mean, then you have to choose not to battle with them and guard your heart from bitterness (in Christ).  If you do not trust that they do love you and are led by Christ, then you will not be able to do that.  Start back over at God conflicts.  Unforgiveness will never allow peace with others.  You can’t get dressed in these virtues when you are bitter harboring old emotions.  Be renewed daily.  Not daily with the old garbage.  

When you take on the mind of Christ, your identity is in Christ.  You know why it is hard to hurt my feelings?  (THIS has not always been the case.)  I refuse to allow anyone to pin me to something I am not.  Immediately, I ask Christ ,“Is this what You say I am?”  Someone hurts your feelings because you had thoughts that followed their comment.  You are in control of that in your head and heart…only if you let Christ control you.  In Christ, I am.  He says I am righteous, seated next to him and a daughter of a King.  Taking it! 

If we do not have peace and trust in Him, we cannot have peace and trust in relationships around us.  Conflict is constant and communication is off.  We can’t figure out why nothing is what it really is. 

This week’s assignment:  ask God to search you out.  He already knows you.  He tells us to do this so He can show us stuff.    Do you trust Him to give you sound advice when someone wrongs you?  Then choose to do as He says.

2 Corin 3:17 Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  I LOVE THAT!

EdeNorte Electricity, Please Read

Totally written as soooooon as the stupid power came back on tonight!  Ahhhhhh!  Not in the mood.

Dear Jarabacoa Electricity Switch Puller (whom I often believe is a toddler playing with the control panel),

I think you should consider the following:

10.  The lights should not go off and on repeatedly.  Make a decision.  Better yet, MAKE A SCHEDULE!
9.  Leave the lights on in the evening.
8.  Don't turn the lights off before 9am.
7.  I should have a lantern or candle close by when you flip the switch.
6.  Holidays should be automatic power days.
5.  Saturday and Sundays should be, too!
4.  Mid-laundry is not an okay to cut the power, let me finish spin.
3.  I need a fan to sleep, definitely don't cut it at night!
2.  Never should it go off when I am showering.  It is a bit frightening.

ANDDDDDDDDD

#1.  IT SHOULD NEVER CUT OUT twice or 3 or 4 times in one day.  Ever.  It is not fair and it is so unexpected that we go into a frenzy!

Sincerly,
The Nutjob at El Puerton Rojo en Entrada Los Candelarios
(My actual address when calling places:  the red gate on candelarios)

Where is Your Wilderness? Luke 5:16

Evidently if you post your weight on a blog, people want to read about it.  My post this month had  about 500 views;  which is insane for only 2 weeks time.  I have no idea what is average, but my usual views for the whole month is about that.  I am glad many could connect with it, but not so sure about that number being seen by that many.  :)  After this blog, I will probably hit 10,000 page views!  Isn't that incredible?  Glory to Him <3 It is incredible that China is very close behind the DR in page views and I don't know a single person in China!  Comment if you are from China reading this!  Holllllla :)

Anyway, I was out jogging and talking with God this evening.  I wasn't feeling well, but I felt like I should just go anyway.  It seems to always lessen cramps and fatigue.  And it did.  As I got down the dirt road past the colmado, I just looked up to the sky and my heart smiled.  Just a glorious view.  The song was perfect and I couldn't help but throw a hand in the air in praise and thanks, for the joy that fills my heart.  As I got out to the main road, I asked God if He would carry me a bit of the jog to the hill because I was tired.  With my steps, I thanked Him for even caring that I am out there and requesting help to jog. 

The Bible says in Luke 5:16 that Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.  So do I.  I know being single is a huge blessing.  I have wilderness time in the morning on my porch with my Bible and God.  I have wilderness time late at night when I lay in bed, sometimes for hours talking with Jesus about life and guidance.  I need wilderness time.  The thought of not having this one on one time with Jesus sounds alarming (I cant think of a single word to describe what that would be like), like cutting off my oxygen.  Like, I may die if I didn't have wilderness time.  Sounds like an exaggeration, but it really isn't.   So, although I have a lot of wilderness time, I love being out in nature to get some more.  The Dominican is just beautiful.  Incredible, really.

I breathe easier outside.  Calmness takes over.  I love to blare music (Christian and non) in my ears and sing to Him in my head.  If I am off the main road, I usually bellow out some tunes. I often look to the sky when I am asking Him questions.  I don't know why, it just feels natural.

Sometimes, I ramble.

Sometimes, I say nothing at all.

Sometimes, I just listen.

Sometimes, I call God Gwen.  (Funny joke between us 5, but somehow always leaks into my prayers.)

So this is my "wilderness"...

Off the main road, the Avenida, is a side street that is paved a little, and then goes to rock down a steep hill, then the rest of the way into the woods.   Luke found it on a moto-ride and I am forever grateful when Nay showed me!!

The top of a hill that is off the main road.

Where I always take off head phones.

Look at that view!  God is good!

In between my repeated words of "butt and thighs, buttttt andddd thighhhhhs" to focus on those muscles :), I climb this hill a few times up and down. I spit out thousands of questions to God about what He has for me, what He wants me to do, where He wants us to go.   Open doors, Lord.  Give us your favor,  lead our steps.  Carry my legs, let me go one more time up.  Carry me for the jog home.


Most of the time I talk out loud to Him.  Sometimes, it is in my head.

Climb up!

I am grateful for this place.  It is so desolate.  It is perfect.


Nay and I have a route through the woods that is so peaceful that we trek on Wednesdays.  We went several weeks without going into the woods because we had two recent murders in our town and we didn't feel safe being out there.  This week, we went back out there feeling the okay from God to go.  That trail includes many animals!  We are often faced with cows, bulls, goats, horses, snakes, and mini-lakes from the rain water that makes us duck under barbwire to get around the giant mud puddles.

I had been back out on my trail alone the last 2 weeks after taking a few weeks off for safety, but I don't go down as far as I used to into the woods because I still don't feel God saying it is okay for me to be alone out there.  I am fine with that as long as I can still have my hill. 

Where is your wilderness?  You need a wilderness.  We all do. 

We are made to have wilderness time.   Daily.  Time away from everyONE and everyTHING to spend with just Him. 

I weigh 143, I think.

I remember when I moved here, God said I was going to be brutally honest sometimes in what He asks me to write about with my faith, Jesus, my walk, and life.  I had given in by then.  I told this story to my BFF yesterday and felt encouraged to share.  I have held onto this blog all day because I do not want to post it.  I also don't want to disobey what He asks of me... even when it makes me a little uncomfortable to be this honest with the world.

One thing I love about Jesus is the power of surrendering things.  He shows you something in your life and you are given the ability to be released from the pressure/bondage of it. Well, if you hand it over.  Sometimes, IT may involve worry, anxiety, control, habit, and it always includes selfishness.  We are humans.  It is our nature.  Then, we meet Christ and realize we are not the center.  Nothing is about me.  So I pray, show me what You want me to change, to make me a better me.  Clear me of things that take up space and do not honor You. 

Earlier this week, I had a bug bite on my upper thigh, close to my booty.  I was trying to see what was going on in the mirror and as I lifted my leg I noticed a huge muscle in my booty.  I was shocked.  I have been working out for weeks trying to increase my distance in jogging, and really, I have always worked out on and off since I was 15.  It wasn’t until I surrendered working out a few years ago that I really started to enjoy it and actually wanted to do it.  It was a chore.  I find it to be some of my best “God time” now.

So, there is this muscle I had never seen before.  Then, as I put my leg back down, I noticed that beautiful line that divides my quads and hamstrings.  It’s been a while since I have seen that lovely line!  I was so proud.  All my hard work…paying off.  Then, I was wearing a tank top around the house the other day and passed a mirror, I saw muscles in my back I had never seen before either.  I just felt so good.  This week I had jogged further than I have ever and decreased my time.  I had been complimenting my body with every jog, ‘cause, seriously, that is a feat for me. I thought, goodness I can feel I’ve lost weight.  I just feel so good.

THEN.

I popped on the scale the next day, like I do daily and it was up.  It’s been stuck at the same number for weeks!  Now, up 3 lbs.  Here. We. Go. Again.  I stepped off of it and thought.  HOW??  Why do I even bother to work out?!!  So discouraged.  Like a heavy weight of seriously, why do I bother!?  I had so much emotion into the number that was on the scale.  TOO much emotion.  Not obsessed like it consumes my thoughts and life, but more like it had the power to turn a good day into a crappy day. I think body issues come in different ways to surrender.  I surrendered my obsession with food last year.  I never binge and I never intentionally skip meals, starve.  I haven’t felt guilt about a single piece of food that has gone in my mouth since.  Which is a bit insane because I use to always think later, Why did you eat those!  I do not swear off any food either; that tells me I don’t have control of it, and I know a fruit of the Spirit is self control (Gal 5:22) I want that.  So, I just like weighing myself daily to stay in control... But I realized I am not in control if I need the scale to tell me daily.  And daily isn’t accurate.  It also discourages my efforts.  It makes me fed up with working out and causes me to want to quit.  I work out because I want to be healthy.  I backed away and kept starring at the scale, like a nutcase, really :).  How can I look down and be so proud of this body, and love it (I really do!) and yet be so discouraged to not want to bother working out anymore?  It made no sense to me.  My thoughts and they made no sense at all.   If society says I need to weigh between this and that, then I need to be that to be acceptable in appearance? Not TRUE.  I know that isn’t true because I love me, so why am I sitting here so discouraged?  I am trying to fit in a category that I do not agree with and don’t believe is accurate.   It was time. 

I looked at the scale and mentally picked it up and said calmly, “God, this is yours. Take it. I don’t want this friggen thing anymore.” I am a very visual person and when I surrender, I do it visually as well.

Holy flipping pancakes is that freeing.  I have no idea what I weigh today and I don’t care!  You think that isn’t a big deal, but it truly is insane that I haven’t weighed in 2 days now. Wooo hooo, I was washing my belly in the shower and thought, you look flatter today!  Way to go!  Free!

However, I did get out of the shower and think, oh, just weigh yourself.  Just check.  But I chose not to.  It doesn’t matter what number I am today.  Listen, I am not completely giving up the scale.   I am not telling you to give up your scale. I am saying God wanted me to give up the control over the scale.  I don’t want to not be able to ever weigh either, that makes it just as controlling to me to not do something at all.   I want to definitely track my weight loss, but it isn’t going to defeat me to see what number I am.  I surrendered my body a few years ago, too.  This is mine and I seriously love every single part of it.  It’s beautiful.  Even if the BMI says I am overweight and actually dangerously close to obesity if I gained a few more pounds, I am not identified by a number or a dress size.  This body is mine, belongs to Jesus, and I love it.  A lot.  The day I took on His identity is when I realized I am only what He tells me I am. Does He want me to have self-control, yes.  Does He want me to fit into a size 3-4, no.  I don’t think He cares.  I find myself asking Him that a lot lately.:  What do You think of this or that?  If it isn’t pleasing, I am bringing it to Him to change. The devil is the father of lies (John 8:44).  It would love for me to quit working out and have a bad self-image, and then attack me even more with lies of defeat. 

Yesterday, I left a handful of fries on my plate at lunch.   I have never done that before.  Isnt it odd, I surrendered the control of the scale and for some reason, a life long habit of clearing my plate was all of a sudden easy to change?  I didn’t plan on leaving the fries, I just didn’t want anymore and I didn’t feel like I HAD to eat them all or I would be wasting food.

A couple years ago, I came back from Honduras and I felt so convicted that I was spending several hundred dollars a year on acne products with Proactiv when I could be sponsoring several more kids to go to school monthly.  A BFF of mine said, I wonder if you surrender the acne wash, what would happen?  Okay, I will obey.  I cancelled the monthly product.  I haven’t battled adult acne since.

What do you need to surrender? 

What consumes you the most during the day...more than God and His Kingdom?

Be BOLD this week and ask Him.  He will show you, but I bet you already know.

K, Love and Kisses from the DR! 

(PS at the very end, God asked me to post my weight as the title and I think I about puked at the thought of the world knowing "my number."  Here. I. Go.  I don't EVER experience anxiety yet I can feel it right this minute before I hit post. Ahhhhhh!)

Guest Blogger: Christina Barlow

This blog was written by my friend Christina that was on our youth mission trip from RidgePoint Church.  I love her heart and I loved the many times we got to chat this week about life in the DR and our own lives.  I really didnt know her before the trip but I knew God was working on her heart in the DR and I was honored to talk with her a bunch about it.  Here is what she had to say:  

Phyllis asked me to write a blog about my trip to the Dominican Republic.  I’ve never wrote a blog before and when I journal I tend to ramble, so this should be very interesting. :)

Every time a mission trip was announced at church I wanted to go.  I’ve just always let the fear of going take over and never followed through.  This time was different because it was youth oriented and since I’m a youth leader I wanted to go even more. Plus, when I was unsure if I was going or not, Beth was always there to push me along. I waited until the beginning of July to apply for my passport, which was not very smart! (If you don’t have one and you plan on going on a trip like this, take my advice and please get your passport way in advance) :)

Saturday started a week of a lot of 1^sts for me. We made it to the airport, checked all our luggage with plenty of time to spare. Since I am a procrastinator my seat on the plane was not with my group. I was completely by myself. I was much calmer than I thought I would be, since I had never flown before.  I did learn on my trip home how to use the air vent and recline the seat on the plane. Woohoo!!

Sunday morning we all got ready for church.  I’ve never experienced anything like this before.  Church there is so simple.  Church was held in Pastor Ivan’s house, they brought in plastic chairs and made rows for everyone to sit in.  There is not enough room for everyone so they had the windows and doors open for others to look in to see and hear what’s going on. There was a white sheet type material tacked to the wall so the lyrics to songs and Bible verses could be projected on it. I have to say this is one of the first times I really seen that you don’t have to have the best of anything for God to show up.  He was definitely present Sunday morning.  After the message was over everyone held hands in a circle and prayed. After church, us girls, went to Phyllis’s house and met with the ladies to make jewelry.  We sorted beads and more beads.  We made bracelets, necklaces and earrings.  This was more difficult then I first thought it would be.  I believe I had to redo mine several times before it was right.

So this was my first full day there and one of the things that stuck out the most to me was the traffic there is CRAZY.  The line in the road is merely a suggestion.  Just about everyone rode on motos.   If you had a baby, it's ok, just put your arm around them to make sure they don’t go anywhere (and we worry about infant seats here! LOL).

Monday started our week of sports camp.  (Camp was Mon-Thurs 2:00 – 4:30 and Fri 9:00 – 11:30)  I wasn’t really sure what to expect. When we arrived at the gym, the kids in the barrio where the gym was located started coming up a few at a time. Naomi had to teach me how to tell them to come back at 2pm.  After our 1^st bus load got there it was pointless to tell the other kids to come back at 2pm. They all greeted me with a smile, but to see them talk to Phyllis, Kathy and Naomi made my heart smile. I’ve never wanted to learn Spanish before but it is my goal before my next trip to at least know the basics. I want to know what these kids are saying to me. By the second or third day I was being greeted with not only a smile but hugs and a kiss on the cheek.

The group I was in was red and the kids were 8 and 9 year olds.  I had no idea what we were going to do with them.  By the end of the week we learned they loved to jump rope, play catch and when I say play catch we used little plastic orange cones and a tennis ball.  We held the cones upside down and caught the ball with the cone and then tossed it to the other person the same way. Our kids here in the US would think we were crazy if we wanted to play catch like that with them. They loved to play any game that involved water.

One of the most challenging parts was not being able to communicate the way I wanted to. Some of these kids had no idea what structure is.   Lines, forget straight lines we were just shooting for lines. The little girls loved to play with your hair, at any given time we could look over and Taylor would be sitting on the bleachers with at least 5 little girls all around her braiding her hair.

Side note ~ JJ put together a daily devotional pack from the time we met about the trip until the day we left for our trip.  One of the days was to write out our testimony.  I have to say I pouted about this. It was a reality check for me. I sat and talked with Beth about it one Sunday and then I got myself together and did it. 

JJ asked for someone to share their testimony each day of sports camp. I wasn’t going to volunteer, even though I had mine together and had practiced it a few times. But then he asked who had theirs ready (or something like that) well there it was, not who wanted to but who had it ready. So Friday, completely out of my comfort zone I stood before all the kids and gave my testimony.

Most of the kids where so sweet, they really just wanted someone to either listen to them or play with them and I was there to do both, even if I had absolutely no idea what they were saying.

Friday when it was time to say good bye, I found it really hard. Once we made it back to our room for the night I had to take some time to just reflect.  These were kids that I was there to help by showing them how Jesus loves and I think they taught me more than I even knew.

In our down time during the week, we got to do all sorts of stuff.  We went on a hike to the waterfalls; I learned I was way out of shape.  A huge thank-you to Naomi and Kathy for not leaving me behind.  I jumped from a rock that I was sure my legs were too short to clear but I did it anyways.

One day we went whitewater rafting. I’m pretty sure my butt is still bruised from getting down so fast so many times. At different points I think Belinda and I had a Jacuzzi going on while Luke and Josh paddled. This was so much fun, another 1^st for me.

A couple days we went to two different Barrio’s to hand out information on Human Trafficking.  We split up into group and went different directions.  The first house we went to Luke walked in and turned around and told us to come on.  I was nervous about walking into people’s houses.  But I knew we were there to do work and that God was with us, so we were going to be fine.  When we made it back from handing out papers, I needed time to process everything I had just seen. Nothing can prepare you for it. I know it’s not as bad as the trash dumps that some have visited but this was my first time and it broke me. I wanted to cry while we were standing there.  I talked to Phyllis about the stuff that “I” take for granted all the time.  The little stuff:  sturdy walls; complete roofs; bedroom doors; windows that work; washing machines that you put your dirty clothes in add soap, close the lid and push start, then come back and throw them in the dryer etc.  At some point I was talking with Beth and tears started flowing. Our RPC’ers that live there gave up everything to move there and share God’s word and show these people what his love looks like. They sold everything and moved. What is it exactly that I do….there’s a lot of things I could be doing that I don’t, not because I can’t but because I choose not to.

The second Barrio that we went to things were about the same.  We went out into the barrio two different times before we left and the second time we met a Haitian guy that teaches Haitian kids whose parents do not have the money to buy uniforms to send them to school.  He got FIGHT’s information and they will be going to meet with the parents of those children sometime in the future to teach them about Human Trafficking.

During the two days in the Barrios I seen kids from the sports camp and they were still just as friendly as when they walk through the doors at the gym.

For me this trip was fun, emotional, tiring and completely out of my comfort zone.

His Will Be Done

My friend Dana says, "Reading the Bible is like crack.  You just get a little of it and you want more and more."  The hilarious part is neither one of us has ever done crack.  If you know Dana, it's even more hilarious to hear her say it.  But I wholeheartedly agree.  I love that Jesus-lover.  She came down last year on a mission trip.  We cried our little eyes out after the church service.  I think the people around us thought we just missed each other or the service was so moving.  Not so.  We actually missed our Jesus conversations.  The shoot the other person the "crazy thing God did today" text or the "I am so filled with joy, I think I might burst, and I know you know what I mean!" and most of all, our monthly accountability lunches where we would take up some poor girl's table at Chili's in Lake Wales' table for HOURS on Saturday.  She's the only other person I knew that never got sick of talking God, 24/7.  Good news is, we figured it out.  Thank, God, for Magic Jack, her learning Skype, and TextPlus App.

I'm seriously obsessed with the Bible lately.  This has not always been the case.  For years, I would swear I was going to read more.  Move me to another country and I read that thing all the time now.  So, I was reading Genesis today.  Side note:  I don't get anything that has to do with Lot.  That is a blog post all in itself.  Ya know those times, you pause and go, "Uhhh, I'm sorry, God, what??"  That is Lot to me.  He, his crazy daughters, and his wife turning to a salt pillar.  No entiendo. Go read about Lot, you''ll say the same.

Getting to Abraham.  So, God tells Abraham to take his kid, Isaac, whom he waited to be blessed with until he was 100 years old, up to one of the mountains and offer him as a sacrifice to God.    Genesis 22:3 says, "The next morning Abraham got up early.  He saddled his donkeys and took two servants with him, along with Isaac."  I bet Abraham didn't sleep a lick that night.  I bet he got into bed talking to God, tossed and turned through the night talking to God, then opened his eyes in the morning mumbling to God in prayer.  At least that is what I do when God asks me to do crazy things. 

This was one of the greatest acts of obedience.  He traveled over 50 miles to the location.  Bible says about 3 days he went on the journey, then arrived at his destination.  Sooooooo, 3 days of talking to God, I image.  "Is that what You said?  Are you sure You want me to do this?  This doesnt make sense!  Is that what You said?"

So he arrives and he left the servants and loaded Isaac up with wood on his back and headed up.  I can't seem to figure out how old the kid is, the Bible says he was weaned from Sarah and they had a feast for the occasion, but he was old enough to carry the wood on his shoulders up the mountain as well.  Either way, you know this kid didn't just lay down and let Dad tie him up.  I am sure there was a struggle and screaming involved.  How horrific for Abraham.  None of this makes sense, God already told Abram that the sky's star count is equivalent to the descendents he will have.  We kinda need this kid to stay alive to fulfill the promise.  Doesn't make sense.  I bet Abraham prayed "Your will be done" a thousand times and still wondered if God was sure.  My NLT Life Application Study Bible says in Gen 15:8,  "Abram was looking for confirmation and assurance that he was doing God's will.  We also want assurance when we ask for guidance." 

Absolutely.  It is a perfect prayer to pray and ask God.  If we seek His will first, I believe He answers and gives direct steps in how to do it.   Sometimes it is really just being obedient with what He said to do.  Other times, you are blind to the next step, but He always reveals the next path as you walk (Psalms 32:8).  So, then in Genesis 15:17 the study notes reveal, "God took the initiative, gave the confirmation, and followed through on His promises.  God's passing through the pieces was a visible assurance to Abram that the covenant God had made was REAL."   Abram needed confirmation and assurance that that would come to pass.  I heard you say it, but how are You going to do it, God? I would be asking WHEN!?  So he was granted assurance through asking God and knew that he will be the father of many nations.

Abraham knows what God said.   After Sarah tried to get ahead of God, she finally conceived and they had the boy, and now Abraham's being asked to sacrifice him? This is crazy to him, I am sure.  I wonder if Abraham talked it over with Sarah.  I would have liked to have heard what she said about this kid she waited so long for and didn't even believe she would actually conceive, is going to die at the hand of her hubby.  Or, maybe he left that morning in obedience to God and said I'll be in a few days.  Her faith seems weak and wavering in Genesis and she may have been an obstacle.  I think the latter happened.  I really have no idea.  It doesn't say.

So, as he goes to stab the child with a knife, an angel of the LORD called to him to stop.  Faith was tested.  He was going to do what God asked him to do even though he didn't want to and there was nothing that made it logical.  I bet if he asked some friends what they thought, they might have said, "You're crazy. Don't do it."  He could have talked himself out of all of it because, really?  Why would God ever say such a thing.  He had to mean to do something else.  Maybe he heard him wrong.

Like God would say don't take the job offer when you don't have a job, be a stay-home mom when you cant afford it,  switch careers, do volunteer work, etc.????  Surely, God wouldn't, it has to make sense.

He does.  And, I love when someone shares with me that they took the leap when He told them to do something.

The week before I moved here, as clear as day, God said,  "JCS will hire you and you are moving to the Dominican Republic."  I cried.  Holy Spirit cry.   The next day I told my bff,  either I hear God or I don't know what that voice is!!  They hired me the next week, of course.  There are billions of things God did and said before I left that I still recall and stand on when I am doubting His provision/His voice.  He knew I needed all of those to continue the mission here in another country.  I'm thankful for the tears and the pressure in trying to be obedient and follow through when I swore I was going to die following God as as others called me foolish in their sight.

I was reading a blog yesterday that said God tells us what is coming sometimes to grow us. Sometimes to keep us focused and in line with His will.  I completely agree.  I know not all Christians believe that and I am okay with that.  I believe the Spirit can give us feelings and emotions to direct us and I believe just like the Bible says the Holy Spirit speaks and is clear.  We can't do His will if we don't know or come up with our own ideas.  He has done it to me too many times for me to deny what He says.  I have two very specific things God spoke to me to be and I am just waiting for them to come.  Jeremiah 33:3.  When they do, I know my faith will sky rocket with confirmation of His Sovereign hand.
So I wait.  They seem crazy, but I am waiting.

His will be done.  His will be done.  ::wink::

Isaiah 55:8-9

As I turned around on our walk to hand out flyers about trafficking in the barrio, I saw this lady reading it while she waited to buy something at the colmado (corner store).  I literally burst into tears.  Josh said, "What is wrong with you!? What's going on?"  He didn't see what I saw when I turned around.  It was as if the whole world went silent to me.  My shoulders dropped.  I saw a lady reading something that is life altering...possibly learning information that could completely change the trajectory of a child's life.  What we are doing is not to be taken lightly, God said to me.  And, then the tears flowed out of my eyes.  I turned around for a minute to take a deep breath. 

I have been so filled with the Spirit this week.  I wake up in prayer and fall asleep in prayer.  I find myself talking to God throughout the whole day.  I am so thankful to be here.

Focused. 

Nothing can move me off from this Christ-focused mission this week.  I have been really exhausted from the long days but I see HIM everywhere and doing so many things.  Awesome presence of God.  "There He is.  And, there.  Little things happen and I just know I am walking hand in hand with the Living God." <--- I am listening to Charles Stanley right now and in his sermon he just said that.  Amen :)  Perfect.  No coincidences, He orchestrated all of this. 

We headed down the street a bit and weren't going to go to a certain house, but our speaker decided to step over the septic water and headed to the back of this house where a Haitian woman was sitting on a bucket scrubbing clothes in a large round bucket.  I decided to step over the contaminated water and head to the back with her to talk with them as the team waited at the edge of the street.  My Spanish is really coming along but I like translators to help when it's important, so I called Suleidy to come back.  There was a man back there that told us that he is starting a school for poor Haitian families in another barrio where the kids cant afford/don't have legal papers to go to public school.  He asked if we could come to the school and teach the parents about this problem because he knows that they are targets for traffickers. 

Prior to leaving to go out to homes, we had to change the way we were presenting the info to the barrio.  I leaned against the colmado's wall next to the school alone and stared at the ground while I asked God, "What are you doing?  Why aren't we doing it the way we planned?  I don't understand."  He said, "Phyll, remember, my ways are higher."  I nodded in agreement.  Okay, move on and keep seeking. 

Isaiah 55:8-9

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁸ “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
⁹ For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

He is so incredible.  I am excited for this new connection and to get to educate a new population of people in the DR about child trafficking;  a connection we wouldn't have made if we didn't do it His way at that very moment.  

I like His ways better.  I don't even have to understand what He decides to do.  I just need to obey and leave the rest up to my Papa.

"CHILDREN ARE NOT FOR SALE" Human Trafficking Awareness Campaign

So we launched our FIGHT Ministries human trafficking awareness campaign in the DR yesterday.  We got to the barrio to set up around 9 AM with the team.  The two teams split and went to homes to invite them with our translators, Luke, and Trevor.  

As we waited at the site for them to come back, Kathy, Naomi, Laura and I circled up to pray for God to be with them and speak for them.  

When the team came back I thought we would have more.  God reminded me about Luke 15 and I told Laura, Smirna, and Sul that even if one person comes and hears about Jesus and learns about trafficking, it is enough.  One is just as important as 100.  Okay, God, I hear you. And then two seconds later...

I asked Suleidy to walk down the street with me to see if anyone was coming down the path and needed to direction.  As we walked and talked I told her about all the preparation for this day and the praying to follow God's lead and that I thought that God was going to make this big.  Or, really, I wanted Him to do that.  I want His will, of course, but I thought He should GO BIG with this campaign.  As I am sharing my heart with Suleidy God said, "Dont you remember what Kathy sent you this morning!??"  I literally said "OH MY GOSH, Sul!  Forget all I'm saying! Ahhh.  God told me this morning from a devotional...'Instead of trying to direct Me to do this or that, seek to attune yourself to what I am ALREADY doing.'"  I said, "Okay whoever shows up is because God said so.  He ordained this perfectly and this is exactly what He wanted to happen today.  We can't take credit for anything we did and He is in control."  Suleidy knows I love, love, love Jesus, but I am sure she thinks I am crazy, crazy, crazy. 

We had about 40 people show up.  How invigorating!!  40 people hear about Christ and human trafficking.  Information they have never, ever heard before; tactics that traffickers use that sound so good to parents, they learned are schemes and to not be deceived.  After the campaign, the team went out again and passed out the information to dozens more homes to spread awareness!!  I watched this little girl walking down the street reading it.  I was so overcome with emotion to pray for her.  This is nothing to take lightly.  That information may literally save her life from a life of torture, abuse, exploitation...complete loss of innocence as a child.  Glory to Papa Dios for letting me even be a part of all that He is doing.

Yesterday, I was just filled with so much emotion.  That constant praying and praying just bubbling in me.  I love those days that you are seeking Him incessantly for His direction and wisdom.   I am loving having a buncha Jesus lovers around me this week with RPC being here and having great Jesus convos.   It touches my heart to hear them talk about how God is working in them on this trip. 

Today, we are headed to another barrio for another presentation.  My expectations this morning are to just let God go before me and direct us and whatever happens He planned.  I know this, why do I always need a reminder!????

I have so much more to write, BUT I gotta get ready for the day.  Sorry if there are errors, ain't nobody got time when a mission team is in town.  You feel like you're on a trip and running it!!  

Love from the Dominican!!  prayers, people, prayers <3

Guest Blog: Cornerstone Mission Trip Participant Megan

Megan is one of the youth that attended our first mission trip last week.  These are some words she had about what God is up to in her life and in Jarabacoa..

Trying to put all of my thoughts about this past week into a couple of sentences is overwhelmingly impossible. I went on this trip, honestly, for one reason. And that was to figure out what God wanted me to do in my future. But in reality, I found way more than that. I found a love for the people that I have never had before. I have never attached to any kid or adult so fast in my entire life than I did with the Dominican people. I figured it was just because we were the Americans but I later found out it was the culture and the way you act towards them. You never know how much a hug or even just a smile will brighten someone's day. 

To see the kids reactions when you did smile at them and gave them a hug was priceless. It made my heart smile. 

Going into the week of VBS I prayed that God would break my heart for what broke His and to help me love like He loved. And He made it happen. Those kids smiled and ran to us not caring who we were and pretty much tackled us to the ground through the entire week. God used those kids to show me how to love, in a sense.
 
On Monday I went to lead some songs to start off VBS and I saw this little girl standing by the door so afraid to even come into the building. I could tell that she had never been to church an she didn't know anyone. I went up to her and picked her up and just smiled and you could see the fear leave her face. She came back Tuesday and she did not look like the same girl that I had met on Monday. I felt like if I hadn't of went and picked her up then she wouldn't have come for the rest of the week. God was working through out that week and I could feel it and see it.
 
I met this other girl named Dodyel. She was the pastors daughter and she spoke English so I decided I would go talk to her and fin out a little bit about her. She was really shy and seemed a little uncomfortable about me coming over but I found out so much about her and her family. It's amazing to see how God can use you to work in the lives of these kids.
 
To see these kids smile and have fun was just amazing in itself. On Wednesday we went to a ladies house to fix it up a little bit to make it nicer for her. I thought that I was ready for what I was about to see but it turns out I wasn't. Seeing how small the house was and what it looked like compared to my house was overwhelming. Dirt floors, newspaper as wallpaper. Living in that house with 6 kids was devastating, in my opinion. They all shared one bedroom and the kids didn't speak much. But they had smiles all over their faces. We played soccer and taught some of the neighbor kids English. And to find out her story and to find out what she had gone through was painful but we praise God that she knows the Lord and has been faithful in church for a year.

By the end of the week I was so attached to the kids that I didn't want to leave whatsoever. To see about 10 kids come up to you at the end of the week telling you that they loved you and that they didn't want you to leave made my heart tighten and for once in my life I could feel God's calling for my life. God brought me to the attention that what He wants me to do right now is to share His love right here in Lakeland, Florida. He has a plan for my life and it's all in His timing. I will get there. I just have to keep looking to Him for everything.

Dear Heavenly Father, I just come to praise you for all you did for us this past week. I thank You for preparing our hearts and leading us in the way that You intended. I thank You for providing the finances for this trip and I just want to apologize for my unbelief and doubt that You could get me there. Please forgive my doubt and unbelief. I just was to pray for everyone that we came in contact with while we were there. I pray for Elvira, Jelissa and her kids, Friley, Riley, Paola, and so much more God. I pray that you will work in their lives and show them that You are the only way. I just pray that You will provide the finances for Ivan and Claire and the FIGHT Team to build or get another building. I just pray for growth in that church, Lord. Help them to continue to have faith that You are in control and that You will provide for them. Thank You Lord. We Love You! In Jesus' Name, Amen!

My First Mission Trip

Tomorrow,  FIGHT's first mission team is flying into Santiago.  We have been preparing for months and it is finally here.  It is a little shocking to me that the time has come.  In preparation yesterday, I opened my journal from 2010 to find my first mission trip's date.   We have been discussing orientation points and I wanted to see what my emotions were like that week to remind myself what it felt like.  I actually started it off with this...
5PM August 1st 2010
If you are reading this, then I know our trip ended in a way we hoped it wouldn't.  As I write this, I am so excited to go.  No fear at all!! <3  There are several reasons I wanted to write this.  1st be JEALOUS! I am in Heaven with Jesus!! (It is okay to smile and laugh at that)  I know where I am going when I die~ I'm not afraid~

Then the entry just ended.  So, I thought the plane might go down or I would die, but it didn't seem to phase me, so I wrote a blog entry to whomever found my journal first.   I don't know why, but I am a little shocked I didn't write much else!

The next day I wrote about getting up at Luke's at 330AM to be at the church by 415AM, then spending time in Miami to write in my journal and ended it with, "WHY DO MEN HOG THE ARM RESTS!"  I mean, really?  Why do they always take the arm rest like I don't want any of it??  But, really, I was in good spirits about it all. 

The next blog entry got very crazy about things I saw in Tegucigalpa, Honduras.  "I actually hate it here.  Not like I am dying to go home, but I do not want to see this anymore.  This place is dismal." I remember writing that with the heaviest of hearts.  I remember that day so clearly.  I wrote my BFF through Facebook and telling her not to worry, but to please let me be honest with my emotions and tell her that I want to go home.  Now.  My heart was breaking.  God was breaking me down.

I had been out of the country before to Europe, Greece, and Spain.  It was beautiful and fun!  I had no idea that things like this existed in the world.  Poverty I just couldn't understand.  Corrupt police, men with guns, men with dirty stares, a dead body not covered with a sheet, a women being battered by her husband in broad daylight and no one interfered...WHERE am I??  On this bus ride home, I cried, I wrote.  "Later, as we drove to dinner, I thought about how blessed I am~  I cried almost the whole way there...talking to God alone in my seat.   This is not what He intended for His children :( "

I was exposed to something I had no idea about.  A way of life that I could never really grasp when I heard about it, and went on about my daily life.

Not being able to drink the water drove me insane.  Not having reliable water at the hotel.  Being so sweaty from working so hard all day to come back to the hotel and the shower would drip.  I thought thank goodness this ends in 7 days! 

The end of that entry says, "I could never live there."

I thought yesterday, oh my.  It's hilarious that I live in a Third World country now.  People tell me all the time when I visit the USA, "See, you can do that.  You can live there, but I could never live there."  Yup, I said the same. 

There is way more to the journal I hope I share the rest of this week, but I wanted to end with this:

All of FIGHT Ministries' Founders were on that mission trip in 2010 to Honduras.  We are all living in the Dominican Republic now.  Each of us could say that that first mission trip forever changed us.  It was the catalyst for what God was getting ready to do in our lives.

I AM SO EXCITED for what this week could mean to our team coming tomorrow.  Be in prayer.