Open Me

Would You open up eyes, so I can see
Would You open up my ears, so I can hear
Would You open up my mind, so I can know
Would You open up my heart, so I could love You more

I want to serve You, my GOD
I want to give everything
I want to serve You, my KING
I want to serve You, my LORD
I want to give You everything

Here I am with my arms open wide
Asking for You to come up, up inside
Won't You make me new, won't You make me true
Jesus, won't You make me like You

Will You touch my eyes so I can see
Will You touch my ears so I can hear
Will You touch my mind so I can know
Will You touch my heart so I can love You more
Won't You open me

-Shawn McDonald 


He is one of those artists that allow me to tap into the Spirit instantly.  I close my eyes and just smile with the Lord in His freaking awesomeness.  I have so many things to do today to get ready to leave for the States, and then make dinner early for the girls coming over at 3 for Spanish/English lessons.  I'm taking some time this morning just to listen to some music and listen to Him for the weeks ahead. 

I'm at a weird place lately.  Some people said that this happens around 3 months of being out of country.  The things that I was so easy going about have just about starting boiling over the pot!   I know that this is just a part of getting used to the culture of another country, but adapting is hard.  When you go somewhere for a little period of time, you don't experience it in this depth.  I know that when I give it a little more time,  it will be second nature.  I guess this is a bit of a problem, too.  The Americans are just as lax as the Dominicans and I do not understand the "oh, whatev" "not sure"  "maybe"  "i dont know (and not trying to figure it out)"   I feel like I am in my own world lately;  the only person looking around saying in my head, "what the heck is going on!?"  I see now that they have been here for long enough that they just go with the flow, too. This isn't I am right, they are wrong.  It just is what it is.  When you leave for a little while you dont get immersed in it like this.   It isn't shock like I AM IN RIGHT NOW. Every time I talk with Luke and Nay, or Heather, I find myself saying "I am so sorry to sound so negative, BUT"  I just feel crazy lately.  It's different when you are the ONLY person around that is at this stage of the game.  Stop butting me in line!  I have been waiting and now I am not being served again because someone walks up and just busts out his order WHILE I AM TALKING.  I want rules, order, proper protocol, communication, and ways of doing things.  I want definite answers.  Things are very wish-washy.  I AM TOO CALCULATED for that.  I want communication on what is going on and it isn't there.  I find myself saying, "We dont do it like that,"  OFTEN in my head!  Not because I think the American way is the right way but because that is what I know.  What I find rude, like putting the money on the counter instead of in my hand and letting the change fly all over the place so that I have to pick it all up, IS not rude here.  "So the money went flying.  Pick it up."  Learning to deal isn't really the case.  Learning this way and conducting this way is what it comes down to when you now live in another place.

The last few weeks I have had to literally take a step back and just say, I'm out.  I am trying to figure out so many things to make sure upstairs is ready and the electricity/internet/etc isnt shut off and things are replaced that are broken or not working correctly, getting more locks, getting a set of keys, etc and I literally felt like I was going to scream trying to deal with people.  4 different people on at least 8 different occasions.  They don't even get a bill for phone/internet, so how the heck do you figure that out to pay. My bill for electricity is stuck between my gate bars, if the rain/wind hits it while i am gone in the USA, how the heck do I go pay it??  It isn't in my name and I really don't know what the address is here, other than the 2nd house on the right of Candellarios.  I think the bill says the color of the house.  ??   

God told me the other day to knock it off, too.  Here I am flipping out wondering if He is going to get this crap in order for the Ostbergs.  I am questioning God as to why I have to take care of this for Him.  He reminded me that He never told me to do that.  The God that ordered my move and has orchestrated their move to date, is VERY capable.  The God that has answered prayer after prayer.  In the words of Eddily last night, "Ms. Brady, this shows us that God answers prayers."  Amen, little sister.  He is working, NOT ME.  I forgot to ask Him for help and guidance with all of this, instead I was trying to tackle it all.  I didn't even try to have all the answers before I got to this country!!  Heck, I didn't have a place to live.  Why I am freaking about the O team like it is my job to figure life out, is beyond me. I don't even get stressed! If I say I am stressed, my coworkers at COLE knew to start flipping out bc things must be crazy b/c I have said those words MAYBE 5 times in my whole life!  And this was stressing me out!  (I'm talking working for POLK Schools stressed!)    

God got STERN with me saying, "when you choose to make decisions without me telling you, you take away My Power in it and what I am capable of when I direct your steps."  Oh my gosh, I already know that.  Ugh.  How the heck does a Believer that has come this far riding on faith...to a foreign country having no clue what is going on, try to take control?   NO IDEA.  It's stupid.  I want to be able to give the Os answers when they ask and most of the time, I cant b/c communication here is off.  That frustrates me.  Have I ever gone into any of those offices or met with those people and prayed before I went in there??  Nope.  QUE??  I, in no means, want to rob them of blessings trying to figure out upstairs.  Ya know what happened after I let it go and asked God to do it??  I got word of some things that might be in the works.  I don't want to say it just yet b/c it isn't finalized.   If it doesn't work out, it doesnt matter.  He still showed me what He is capable of doing it WITHOUT me JUMPING IN.  Maybe a part of His plan is for them to come here blind to answers.  Faith. 

All in all,  I needed that stress out moment.  I needed a refresher on Whom I am serving and How when I follow Jesus Christ, He has control, not me.  As much as I love the Ostbergs and I want to do it!!, it isn't mine to figure out.  It is my job to be a tool the Lord uses to do it His way.  His way is unlike ours. We know that, yet we want to JUMP the heck out there and get crap done!  We know we can never, ever do what He can do to blow crap out of the water, yet we still try to control crap.  "Oh, Big Padre, feel free to continue to tell me to shut up or STOP, when I do this."

Next time I write, I will be in the USA!  Woooo hoooo.  I am ready for a break for a few days before we hit up some Tayyyygoose! (Tegucigalpa, Honduras)